Sunday, June 19, 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICCC!!!


hahas.5th year and friendship and im glad that i still have all of you tgt with me now! (considering all the dramas we have in between!)
simple celebration,not much pictures taken and a temporary birthday card cos i din like the initial card i made,so i wanna redo a new one! hope that you had enjoyed your day! cos i felt that it could have been better =S

and i hope that there's bumboat to desaru so that we dun have to cancel the trip!! =S


i like the look on your face when you um chio.hahas.
i gotta stop soon.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


ladies,rmb the times you got so crazy over a hot senior in school? the things you did to try to get closer and get him to notice you? hahaas! this will totally bring back those sweet and adorable memories!


i highly recommend this thai movie! called "first love" or a "a little thing called love".

why? cos its damn sweet and really reminds you of the young us.
and most importantly,the mixed blood thai actor,mario maurer,IS DAMN CUTE! =)


Monday, June 13, 2011

put aside the bad memories,here are pictures for my birthday with all of my love ones.

my extended family.
there's granduncle phillips,grandaunt tina,granduncle ron,granduncle ron and his wife grandaunt diana,uncle lewis..the rest i din catch their names.
it was really nice for them to come so early and travel so far! i seriously dunno them at all.they dun even look familiar to me.im really glad that i had a 21st party to meet up with them.hopefully,like what granduncle phillips said,we should start meeting up next new year otherwise the youngsters wont know their elders anymore!

my family.
my mum and grandma were probably the most excited people abt my party cos i was the first child.my mum paid alot and did alot and im sorry for arguing with her.but srsly,the party would have been better if she had listened to me-.- i really appreciate the slp they all had sacrificed,the sweat and help and everything else.i love you all,though we fight all the time! =)


my grandma.
she can be really annoying but can also be really cute at times.
i wish that she can stop working cos she's so old alr.but she ar,really cannot sit still one.so working is like her favourite pastime-.-
though she din say,but i could tell that she was damn excited abt me turning 21.she took out her phonebook and made alot of phonecalls informing her siblings abt my party and stuffs.hahas.
stay healthy and strong okay,popo? love you =)


my biaojiu and his family.
im very grateful for my biaojiu's help! for ferrying so many of my relatives,for carrying and moving so many stuffs and also my biaojiu mu for helping with the preparations! hahas.also my cousins,maybel and joanne for bringing so much joy! nic likes joanne alot alot! hahas.
and thank you biaojiu for the birthday treat after checking out of the chalet =)


joanne,donavan and maybel.hahas.thank you kids for the birthday surprise and the joy you guys brought me! thank you donavan-the-superman for the bracelet you chose! hahas.


tjvb girls.love all the sweat,tears and laughters we shared tgt then! thank you for coming! it was really nice to see serena and yumei agn =)


my hpt family.though chunfu and kailing werent there,but i still had fun that day with you guys! even the legendary pinwen showed up! super touched ttm! =) reagen looked damn han sum that day! wilson was really sweet! and fishy! thank you for helping me book the chalet and coming early to check in! thank you guys for being so attentive and nice that day! really thankful for all your help! =)


weng and rab! thank you so much for coming! i truly din expect it! thank you for being so nice and weng,for staying so jiao still! really nice to see you all agn! =)


these 4guys ar! totally surprised me! cos i really din expect them to turn up.damn touched and really damn nice to see them all agn! hahas.and thank you guys for helping me make the cards for my game! but we din use them in the end.hahas.BUT BUT! I SAW THE CARDS AND I LOVE THEM! ALL OF YOUR CRAZY AND STUPID IDEAS! hahas.thank you for coming and helping dudes! =)


hahas.poor lily! she got laughed by everyone that day.but peeps.she's really acty a sweet girl! thank you girl for coming! and making yourself so at hm with my friends! =)


shumeiii!! really paiseh eh.i din talk much to you that day cos i was damn busy! thank you for coming despite having exams! love ya! =)


THANK YOU MY DEAR CLIQUE! words really cannot express how thankful and grateful i was to have you guys with me that day! when i said bbq,i expected you all

andrew: thank you for driving my grandma hm when you were alr so tired! thank you so much! hahas.seems like you have become good friends with my grandma! hahas.no wonder my sis thinks you're a good catch! hahas.

zhijun: thank you for staying for so long!

michelle and yining: thank you for coming girls! hahas.felt bad for not spending time to catch up with you all! hope you girls had fun! =)

peiwen: thank you for staying with me,talking to me and doing so much to help me! sorry eh.that you had to miss your interviews the next day.but thank you for helping me!! love ya! =)

edmund and wayne: thank you for staying so impromptu! hahas.edmund,you and my stepdad very good terms now ar.thank you for entertaining my family! are you trying to be their son-in-law?? hahas.and dude.QUIT SMOKING!! persevere on! wayne ar! draw draw draw! hahas.my birthday also drawing,but not for me????? hahas.stop following nic's footsteps and be as mean as him!
thank you guys! for helping me move all the heavy furniture and clearing up the mess! love you all lots! =)

nic: see! you can be nice wad! why always be so mean to me? hahas.come on.i know deep down,you do care right? hahas.you were probably the only one who prepared clothes and stuffs to stayover.and i know that you made wayne to go shopping with me for my present too cos you knew i din have anyone else to go with me if you guys din come.thank you so much! and im sincerely sorry for all the misunderstandings during the chalet! dun blame my sis! she din finish hearing my story before telling the rest of my family! sorry eh.really sorry for the inconvenience! thank you for staying and helping so much! loves! =)

the lamest clique i ever had.
i love how lame you guys get,i love it that we roll all over the floor in laughters. i would never find a clique like ours cos we're probably the lamest people ard alr.hahhas.only you guys can uds my jokes.
thank you andre for coming! i really thot you wont come eh since you just got back to SG that day.
guys,i must say,i was disappointed that day that you all left too.but still,im glad that all of you made it! thank you for coming! and i wish we can still stay tgt when school starts.cos i cherish our friendships =)


the girls who made me laugh,cry,love,and get angry so much for the past 8years.

i dunno what had happened.but i think we had all changed.and that we get pissed with each other more easily.is it the bfs? the hectic life? or you girls have stopped loving me?
im upset,cos i care.and im hoping that you girls still care the same too.
at this rate,i dunno how much longer will we be tgt,but no matter wad,im thankful and glad that i have known you girls.im praying hard that everything's gonna be fine,and we'll still attend each other's weddings in the future.but me alone cannot do much.i'll need you girls to put in a lil more effort too.its never easy balancing bf and friends.but if you want to,you can do it too.it really depends on how badly you want that to happen.8years is a long long time.dun let it go to waste okay.
though im very disappointed,i still wanna say,I LOVE YOU GIRLS =)




my most beloved hildas and nobel!
thank you for being such perfect companions for the past 8,10years! thank you for staying so healthy and for being able to come for my party! hahas.nobel! thank you for being such a sensible and smart dog! thank you for bringing so much joy to everyone! you darlings look simply adorable! and fat fat fat! hahas.but damn cute! i love you all so much! pls,stay healthy and strong for a long long time okay? i dunno wad my life will be without you all.who's gonna be there for me now when i cry? LOVE YOU ALL LOTS! =)





also,its our beloved shiggy's birthday! hope that you had enjoyed your party! love ya!






i hope that we all can stay this happy and this close forever! cos you're all the people i love most in my life =)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

i've been wanting to blog since my birthday,but haven really had time to do so.
and much to be explained,but dunno whr to start with.

lets start with months ago,when i decided to book my chalets. i called friends,i asked friends if they would be coming and was pretty sure that it would be fun. i had a pj night in mind,i even imagined how hilarious we all would have looked playing charades in pjs. and i was looking forward to rolling on the ground in laughters while playing games with you guys.i could even picture zhiwei's jiao face.i tried to tell ppl of my plans whenever we meet up(which wasnt alot),but ppl never stayed long enough to listen or they probably din bother to do so.since everyone said it was my party and i could have wad i want,i decided to plan for myself.
i thot of themes,but got opposed by friends.so i decided not to have a theme until like 1,2 weeks before my birthday.
i thot of games myself,cos no one seemed to want to help me plan while i study for my exams.
i thot of the food menu,but my mum totally ignored it and came up with her own.

finally nothing was finalised as i only had ideas in my mind.the only confirmed thing was my cake,which i drew the design myself too,and i only confirmed it 5days before my party.

i even had to help my friends think of wad to buy for me,which was pretty...retarded.

one week before the party,i had to shop for clothes.but i got ps-ed thrice by three different groups of friends.walking around the malls,feeling dejected after being ps-ed for the second time,i went to meet my mum but she kept rejecting my calls cos she was at a meeting.argh.that was one horrible day cos everyone was rejecting me when it was so close to my birthday.i felt like i din matter to anyone.

finally,a day before i checked into the chalet,nic and wayne met me to get my present.and i did shopping for my family and myself after that,cos i couldnt find anyone else to go with me.and it din feel good.that night,i finally broke down badly in front of my mum and her friends.i was trying to get her to listen and plan well cos we din have time alr.but she wouldnt listen,just like wad everyone else was doing.and i was really upset abt it.

with so many stuffs to do and prepare,it was really annoying to have ppl asking me wad i want,who will be staying over(you guys could have contacted each other abt it instead of all going thru me) or whr the chalet was when i alr stated everything on fb. all those who promised to help,i dun rmb seeing you during that week of preparation.during exams,fine,its alright if you couldnt help.but that week was alr after exams.if i was really that dear to you,why couldnt you just take some time off to help? months of asking for help,i din see the point of forcing ppl to help anymore if they din even volunteer during the last week.

my mum and i,2 trolleys at a time,we went to shengsiong early in the morning to buy 6 trolleys full of stuffs.JUST ME AND MY MUM.and yes,i was pissed cos she only started to think of transport to the chalet that day.she and my grandma moved a cab-ful of stuffs and my dogs from the hse to the cab downstairs,before meeting me and my uncle at the chalet.i know my mum did alot for me.but i was pissed cos everything could have gone smoothly if we had planned ahead,which she had been refusing to do all the time.

after a whole day of grumpyness, the first heartwarming thing was at 12am when the whole group of kids came down to the kitchen,and said happy birthday to me. acty,my mum was in the kitchen from like 5pm till 1am,cooking and preparing food..i think if i wasnt annoyed,i would have felt touched that day too. zoe and jack came ard 12 to surprise me.and yes,i was a lil disappointed that there were only two of them.however,i was still looking forward to watching the finals with my friends.and wad can i say? i wanted to show you why i was so into the game and vandersar.but things din turn out that way.it was nice to have my friends ditching me at the coffeeshop,full of weird men and uncles. fyi,coffeshop uncles are one of the things i hate most.so tell me,how should i feel?

my family slept at 5plus in the morning,but had to wake up at abt 10 cos my relatives started to reach then.all the entertaining and talking,my mum haven even started cooking for the party when it was like 4 alr.i started to get anxious,and decided to start cooking myself.nic,pw,zjun and edmund came earlier to help,fishy,wilson and reagen came early too to help me with the checking in of the other chalet.ben,alvin,junwei and eugene even helped me with doing the cards for my game,that was supposed to happen that party-.-

i was upset that you girls din come earlier to help.and even when you guys reached,you were more concerned with taking pictures than helping.shiggy even asked me why i wasnt changed yet,when i clearly still had a ladle in my hand.my plan was to bathe and get changed ard 6.but i was too busy to go get changed.wilson was really nice and attentive that day.he stood beside me to help and listen to me whine.thank you hubby! i was really touched. i was even more touched to see my tj clique helping out with the bbq-ing cos i expected them to be the ones waiting to be served at first. yes,i was disappointed with you guys agn when i saw how comfortable you guys were sitting at the table,waiting for my already tired mum to serve you. bbq-ing was taking too long,so i decided to fry the wings and fries. i was in the kitchen alone most of the time until my hpt darlings came in to accompany me and hear me kb agn.

i din sit down with you guys mainly cos i was too busy.yes,i was pissed with you guys for not helping.but that wasnt the reason why i din sit down.and also,i thot you guys would be staying.so i should probably spend more time with the rest then catch up with you guys later at night.i din expect everyone to leave.i was acty looking forward to that stayover.

i was grumpy the whole day till it was time for cake.when i was surrounded by ppl,my dear friends,singing the birthday song for me,i suddenly felt that everything that had happened before din matter anymore.cos i was glad that i had all of you with me then.but that simple happiness din last long.i heard you girls talking abt leaving.and i was..mm.very upset.i texted zhiwei to ask if he would be staying,and my disappointment was doubled when he said no. as i watched everyone leave at the same time,i told myself that i should stay strong and pretend to be alright.just wave bye graciously. nic they all were playing cards in the room upstairs.

this was the part no one knew had happened. after my friends left,it was like no one remembered me anymore. i went to the room beside nic's and whatever i had been holding behind,burst out at the same time.i din want anyone to see me in that state,so i took a chair and sat in the dark balcony for quite some time.i could hear and see my mum and her friends having fun downstairs.it was my party,but no one looked for me during that period of time.it was like everyone was brought to the party,not cos of me.
but wilson was still really sweet.he saw thru me and knew how upset i was when everyone left.he texted me that night to show concern.really thank you eh!

i thot a chalet would make people feel obliged to stay longer.but it din seem to work that way.
friends who gave me a definite "staying" answer,friends who promised to be steady for my birthday,friends who kept putting 8yrs by your mouths were also the ones who left me feeling disappointed.i din dare to ask nic they all after that if they would be staying cos i was afraid i would hear no.and i was really really super thankful that they stayed for me.i dunno wad would have happened to me if they werent there.and i honestly din know they would be staying cos i gave you guys priority first to stay,then let them decide agn if they would feel comfortable staying with us.

i din thank you guys on fb,not cos i was pissed.but cos i couldnt decide on wad to thank you guys for.the people i thanked,were all people who helped me in a way or another. yes,i had a beautiful scrapbook.but with regards to how i felt that day and the times you guys werent there,it wasnt wad a scrapbook could make up for.when i watched you guys leave that day,i wasnt pissed.i wanted to cry alr on the spot.i was surprised.then disappointed and upset.i informed you guys 3 months beforehand.wasnt there enough time for you guys to cancel activities and work? or am i not important enough for you guys to do so? you all alr could not make time to help me before that.so i was just asking for 24hrs of your time for my actual day.i couldnt tell you guys wad present i wanted cos i really din have anything in mind.gifts looked so superficial this yr.all i wanted was all of you to be there.so on the balcony,i asked myself,why am i still holding on to all these friendships when i clearly dun matter? i mean,when was the last time we had a perfect gathering without ppl leaving after a while? or without your spouses? its not like i dislike your spouse,but if you cant pay attn to your clique with him ard,then why bother to come with him? i had felt unimpt for a long long time.i thot my birthday would be different.MY BIRTHDAY.but as i watched all of you leave,i seriously dun uds why i should care so much anymore.i should probably stop cancelling tuitions to make it for gatherings,or i should stop sacrificing sleep to do cards and scrapbooks for you guys.if you have things on,if you gotta leave early,i uds.once,5times,or even 10times,i understood.but this has happened all the time.while i uds you,who's there to uds me?

what i wanted was for all of you to keep your words,to mean wad you say on cards,in books.dun say them because they sound good,but say them cos you really feel that way.8yrs.is the number binding us tgt? or is it wad i have among us that makes us stay tgt? twice,when i met the two toughest time in my life,and i got thru them myself.because you girls had far more impt things to do than to spend that few hrs with me. you guys are probably thinking,"why is van making such a big fuss over all these"? because van cares.because i cared far too much.with this birthday incident,i think i should look at our friendships differently now.so that the next time someone needs to leave early,i would probably not feel this way anymore.


this is for min.
i dunno if jack had explained on my behalf.but the other time when i din turn up to shop for shiggy's stuffs,it wasnt because i was pissed.AND I REPEAT,I WAS NEVER PISSED.I WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED.i din come because my sis told me that my mum got lung cancer,and i decided to go home earlier to verify with my mum in person.i din bother to explain to you cos i was clearly not in the mood.but anyway,my mum's fine.so far.cos she said she suspected the cancer but hasnt been for the checkup.most likely going next month.and im praying hard that she'll be fine.


alright.there you go.this is my answer to why i have been behaving this way.
put yourself in my shoes and imagine all your friends walking out of you at the same time,on your birthday.and tell me,do i get the right to feel and behave the way i do?
so,why are you pissed when i should be the pissed one?

Friday, June 3, 2011

im scared.
part of me wishes that its not true.
part of me tells me to be prepared if its true.

until i hear a confirmed answer from her mouth,i dun wanna jump into conclusions.
i dun think i can sleep well till then.