if you wanted privacy,why did you have to do that in front of me?

it feels bad enough knowing abt it. on the other hand, im glad that you're doing so well now.
but you said really did hurt my feelings. why is it okay for you to tell me what you were gonna do,but not okay for me to see? what is it that you cant share with me? and anyway,even if you didnt ask me to do so,i would have done so myself too.because i do give you privacy! i just didnt like how it feels that you're hiding sth when you're doing it so openly in front of me.

i really wish you'll spare a thought for my feelings sometimes. i know its not a big deal. but many small deals make a big one! and nope, im not okay with that when it happens too often.

i hope i played a part in your change now. AGAIN,IM REALLY GLAD THAT YOU'RE DOING WELL :)

HELLOOOO!! IM ACTUALLY STILL ALIVE! :)

Been so lazy to blog! And actually I kinda find it pointless too. I wonder how many are still blogging.

Just a quick post cos I'm having tuition.but I really need somewhere to vent my frustrationssss!

Well,I can't really say I'm frustrated. It's just a huge mix of feelings that I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling.

My dear,my expectations when we met were THIS HIGH.i thought we would be like normal couples. romantic dates,nice walks,celebrations on special occasions and maybe gifts(im contented even if its just a toy you get from spinning a ball out of the machine).






































Then it became THIS LOW cos I realized you just weren't that kinda guy. You're just one who's so carefree and happy in your own comfort zone. There was no need to dress up to go somewhere nice to have fun. There's no need for pretence,no need for stress...just happy go lucky everyday,doing things we want,and when we want to.

I wasn't uncomfortable with that,in fact,i love being so carefree too! so I changed my expectations and accepted you for who you are. Dates to me are no longer about looking pretty and pretending to be glamorous in nice places. It's about being in your company,having fun,laughing over everything,making remarks and imitating strangers...no matter where we are or what we're doing. However simple it might be,I really did love it and also learnt how to be contented with it.




But today dear,you're actually taking someone out on such a nice date,something I've been dying to have. I know how impt friends are to you,and of course good friends. But knowing that you're actually capable of doing something like that,for someone else but me,is really killing me inside! I know I must have looked really petty that day when you told me.but I wasn't trying to throw any tantrum. I was just too upset and speechless. Besides,it's another GIRL we're talking about now. Having dinner and catching a play is just too intimate for me to handle:( I hope you'll uds! :(((

Argh! I'm acty getting paranoic now as time draws closer! But because of trust,and face of course,I'm trying really hard now to look generous and not petty:( I know you won't do anything out of line,but I can't control how the other girl will behave.thank you for ensuring me all the time too,because you know how paranoic and anxious I am now! :(

BREATHE,VAN! BREATHEEEEE!!

I just really hope that sometimes you'll put me first. I do get hurt whenever you cancel plans with me,just because your friends suddenly asked you out. It feels like I'm always the backup plan. Just like the time you decided to go for Halloween with your friends instead:(


We've been together for quite some time already and I guess I understand what kinda person you are. Its not that i dont matter to you at all,but you just dont show that I do mean alot to you. But like what I've told you,it's tiring to love with doubts and suspicions,because you won't give your all in it! So I'm giving you all my love and I trust you! :)


It's hard for me to say this but,I hope you're having fun!


ARGHHHHH!! BREATHE AGAIN,VAN! CHILLLLLL!! :((((

Been really busy with lots of camps the past two months. And now,gotta be busy with exams! The good thing is,my papers are all very far apart!! Giving me ample time to prepare! (IF I REALLY MAKE GOOD USE OF THE TIME)

And dear Hildas has gone to look for miko :(

Made lots of awesome friends and did lots of crazy things during that few months. And zoe was right. I have not been as happy for a long long time. The sense of satisfaction you get from camps is awesome!

formed a clique with hilmy,salihin and Johnston! Had lots of crazy fun with them! the sarcasm,cursing,impromptu outing to msia and meals,birthday chalet,camps and so on were amazing! Never thought that you could find good friends this quickly! I know that they'll definitely stand up for me if anything happens!

And there's him.the reason why I've been really happy lately.He has the ability to make me do things that I wanna do,but never had the courage to do. It just feels so natural to do so with him around. The implusiveness makes me feel young once again :)

Unknowingly,I let him into my life. Grown so attached till I feel lost now that he's away! Two years is gonna be like ten to me! :( and I have no idea how to survive the next three weeks! :(

I miss you damn badly now. :(

Month filled with hopes and disappointments, ups and downs.

Hectic valentine week! Totally drained all my energy. Worked from 10am to 3am each day! Ha.funnnn....and extremely torturous and tiring too. Good thing I got nice friendly neighbors and ahem! Hahah.though it was just a few secs each time.

I have never met a vday as tiring and busy as this year before! Never gotten scolded and complained by customers this much before too. At times, they can really make you wanna cry.

I realized I could have done better and thus reduce some of the complaints and also help May better. Maybe the lack of sleep and irritation made me very impatient and short tempered, that's why I overlooked certain minor details. Mm.i know that I wasn't obliged to do this much. when i had given that much and still couldn't meet their expectations,I cant help but feel disappointed.

Too much commitments and too little time. I feel little.
Glad that vday's over! Time to move on to other commitments to lighten my guilt! Hahha.

I know I miss them when I'm gone.

Smiling my way home.
Cos I din expect to see him :)))))))))

If arsenal wins tonight too....HAHAHHAHAH! IM GONNA HAVE A REALLY HAPPY CNY! :)


So near yet so far.

Totally driving me nuts.
Been practising for sth that might never ever happen.
Why the sudden change in attitude? Seriously hot and cold! :(

Let's see how things are on sunday?

OH MANN!! school's starting next week!! There goes my long long hols agn!! :( I haven really done much this hols.just flowers,tuition,nightly drama craze...and occasional meetups with friends.

the most meaningful thing during the hols is probably the frequent visits to ahma's hse,or the hospital. She's starting to look bad since the therapies. And there's nth anyone can do to make her recover or feel better. I dunno how much time she has left,so i guess the only thing we can do is to spend as much time as we can with her now.
Pls help her be strong and stop worrying so much alr. She is a nice person,and super good tempered. And she doesn't deserve these.



I'm acty getting excited abt school.maybe if I decided to be friendly,I might make new friends.ahh.I need to make new friends if I dun wanna go for every lecture alone!! I couldn't get the same slots as my buddy though we're taking the same subjs.argh!! I'm trying to swap into hers!! Hopefully the switch will be successful!! :S

A brand new start.