Been so lazy to blog! And actually I kinda find it pointless too. I wonder how many are still blogging.
Just a quick post cos I'm having tuition.but I really need somewhere to vent my frustrationssss!
Well,I can't really say I'm frustrated. It's just a huge mix of feelings that I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling.
My dear,my expectations when we met were THIS HIGH.i thought we would be like normal couples. romantic dates,nice walks,celebrations on special occasions and maybe gifts(im contented even if its just a toy you get from spinning a ball out of the machine).
Then it became THIS LOW cos I realized you just weren't that kinda guy. You're just one who's so carefree and happy in your own comfort zone. There was no need to dress up to go somewhere nice to have fun. There's no need for pretence,no need for stress...just happy go lucky everyday,doing things we want,and when we want to.
I wasn't uncomfortable with that,in fact,i love being so carefree too! so I changed my expectations and accepted you for who you are. Dates to me are no longer about looking pretty and pretending to be glamorous in nice places. It's about being in your company,having fun,laughing over everything,making remarks and imitating strangers...no matter where we are or what we're doing. However simple it might be,I really did love it and also learnt how to be contented with it.
But today dear,you're actually taking someone out on such a nice date,something I've been dying to have. I know how impt friends are to you,and of course good friends. But knowing that you're actually capable of doing something like that,for someone else but me,is really killing me inside! I know I must have looked really petty that day when you told me.but I wasn't trying to throw any tantrum. I was just too upset and speechless. Besides,it's another GIRL we're talking about now. Having dinner and catching a play is just too intimate for me to handle:( I hope you'll uds! :(((
Argh! I'm acty getting paranoic now as time draws closer! But because of trust,and face of course,I'm trying really hard now to look generous and not petty:( I know you won't do anything out of line,but I can't control how the other girl will behave.thank you for ensuring me all the time too,because you know how paranoic and anxious I am now! :(
BREATHE,VAN! BREATHEEEEE!!
I just really hope that sometimes you'll put me first. I do get hurt whenever you cancel plans with me,just because your friends suddenly asked you out. It feels like I'm always the backup plan. Just like the time you decided to go for Halloween with your friends instead:(
We've been together for quite some time already and I guess I understand what kinda person you are. Its not that i dont matter to you at all,but you just dont show that I do mean alot to you. But like what I've told you,it's tiring to love with doubts and suspicions,because you won't give your all in it! So I'm giving you all my love and I trust you! :)
It's hard for me to say this but,I hope you're having fun!
ARGHHHHH!! BREATHE AGAIN,VAN! CHILLLLLL!! :((((
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