loves still.

with increasing distance,

& growing unfamiliarity.

strangers.

anyway.level 3 de no. 9.why so secretive? -.-

ha.though i was hoping that it was SOMEONE elseS,

but thks! shud have expected it to be you =)

life is full of responsibilities. i have..many many responsibilities,many roles to play in everyone's lives. but because im not doing them well,im losing ppl,my loved ones, one by one.

im not a good role model.and i dun want them following my footsteps.

i haven been trying hard enough to guide them along.and im having troubles teaching them wads right or wrong. thats the thing abt teenagers.they think that the world revolves ard them only.but the truth is,it doesnt.because whatever you do..will affect ppl ard you.

when i was at your age,i did not have as much stuffs as you now. whatever i own now..is wad i fought hard for.wad i paid with my tears,sweat and sometimes,blood. the thing is,im just trying to teach you not to take things for granted and how to spend wisely. you cant possibly keep taking money from us to get stuffs you want. i had no older siblings to rely on.and its not good to cultivate such spending habit.you need to stop defending yourself and take in some advice. i dun want you to grow up like mum-.-

because im not good at being in anyone's life. i failed to be an encouraging sister in shamane's life,failed to bring terence back on the right track,failed to change my dad's impression of me,failed to live up to my mum's expectations and now,failed to impart the right values.

seriously,i've been trying hard to impress ppl ard me.

sick and guilty of not living up to expectations.

helpless to how minimal i can help my parents.

my life has been pretty harsh.and daddy was never as softspoken to me before.but he just did it to you just now.its pretty obvious that he's biased against me and towards you. you know,sometimes i wish he can be more supportive of me.but somehow,he's blinded from the efforts i've been putting in.

but no matter wad,family is always family. whatever family does,its definitely to hlp you to be a better person. family dun hurt family(though they may not be very considerate -.-). you may be mad,pissed, disappointed, upset at family..but when there's nowhere you can turn to, turn back.you'll see your family waiting behind.

i went to S'pore Association for the Visually Handicapped(SAVH) last wed for some volunteer work.i guess there were abt 15 volunteers,but most of them were middle aged.well,probably because its a weekday morning? youngsters shud really spend a little time doing some nice things for those in need..at least once in a while =)

it was interesting looking at and learning abt devices the blind or partially blind use in their daily lives.and honestly,these devices cost alot =( surprisingly,they have board games and poker cards which are almost like ours,except that they have special shapes and braille on them.also,when a blind person tells you "i dreamt of you ytd",we acty appeared to them in their dreams in the form of our voices.

imagine walking ard blindfolded.or a day without sun and light.the feeling of helplessness

.

acty the blind are just like anyone of us.except that they need more courage and time to adapt and learn so as to survive outside on their own.they get to attend school and be educated as well.

however,there are still less fortunate ones who are born with other disabilities,or those who nv got the chance to attend school.some overly worried and protective parents just simply refuse to let their disabled child(even when they're alr in middle age) be alone in the outside world.so they'll send their child to SAVH everyday to learn very simple chores,like putting cards into and out of envelopes.i think they only get 60bucks as allowance per month for doing these simple chores.

SAVH also provides massage services by the blind,which is open to public.everyday except public hols.if they're interested,the blind gets the chance to learn massage skills too.dun worry! they're certified and take proper courses.this is one way SAVH helps their blind to earn an income.take it as charity work too,support these services =)

while interacting with them,i realised how much they enjoy company.i guess they're really comfortable in SAVH as its whr they can feel independent and protected with the company of friends ard too.

if you meet a blind person shouting for hlp or for directions,dun shout back or keep tapping their shoulders.you'll scare them! just tap their elbow once,introduce yourself(so that they'll know you meant no harm) and offer your elbow to lead them the way.rmb to remain just a step ahead of them and notify them of any obstructions ahead =)

i was really bent on going thailand alone this dec.but mummy said she cant worry for my brother and me at the same time.so i guess i'll have to postpone my trip till next feb.

very disappointing though.cos i think i really need a break from the many roles in everyone's lives.i really wanted to recharge myself during the trip.haix.i might not survive that long -.-

but anw,she offered to let me tag along with my aunt to hk next wk if i want.sounds pretty tempting right.but it kinda forfeits the purpose.i want a trip,which i can be myself and forget wad others want me to be.a trip with no role to play.

ahh.now im hesitating.shud i just skip school and skip town?? with roles or no roles..just play?