i admit that i dun think of you often.my life's not exactly that busy.but my mind's always preoccupied with something else.

during times like this,when i hear a song you sang before,when i look at your picture on my table,when i look at the room you were in(though only for a couple of days)..i'll wonder how you're doing now,what's gonna happen to you in the future..

and it breaks my heart.honestly.and its suffocating me.

it took me very long to talk to you again.though i havent visited you since then.

but i was angry.i was disappointed.very disappointed with you.

i was the one who picked you up every week cos you needed an adult to sign out for you but mum and dad had to work.i traveled all the way to the west,in order to bring you out.early in the morning somemore.

i trusted that you had changed.i had your future planned.and i even planned mine based on yours.despite the little money i earned,i bought you things you said you wanted.

but why did you have to disappoint me again?

i know i seem like im a coldblooded and mean sister,with no sweet words and even difficult to approach at times.but you all should know that i'll still be there to help,even though i said that i wouldnt or when i said nothing at all.

you'll probably not hear this from me directly,but i miss you.

and i hate the fact that you're missing out so much in life.

i would give anything if you could start things right.

as for my sisters,i never thought that anyone would ever take me as a role model.

i know that giilian is following closely behind my footsteps(without even trying.she totally has my gl attitude).

and shamane.that poor girl has been trying to impress me like since forever.im sorry,but im not good with encouraging words when it comes to close family and friends.

my parents arent very concerned abt what choices we make,what we do..stuffs in our lives.if i were not a strict sister,who's gonna be there to pull a long face,to give sarcastic remarks abt the bad choices you guys make? who's gonna be there to guide you in the dark? im like this for a reason.

and the truth is,im always proud of their achievements.ask me abt them,and you'll realise the smug on my face when i talk abt them.

im far from the perfect sister.but im already trying hard to make up for it now.