WHR TO LOOK FOR COMFORT?

looking at ppl cry each day..I FEEL LIKE CRYING TOO! i understand wads behind those smiles.cos i feel exactly the same too.so darlings,PLS CHEER UP! i guess its just one of those times when things dun go right.but ITS NOT THE END YET! hahas.its always nice to think in a optimistic manner.

i wanted to seek comfort.especially today.zoe's not free.been wanting to look for my mum these few days.whenever i feel really depressed,i'll always feel like whining to my mum.just like how a kid always behave.i called her in school today,when i was pretty upset alr.she din pick up her phone.well,i guess its a good thing.cos i was walking near the canteen,and i know that i would break down the moment i hear her voice.but she picked up her phone in the afternoon.mm.she din have work today.i asked her if she wanted to eat tgt.she said no.well,she sounded pretty tired...so nvm ba.but i was quite upset lah.i needed comfort that time=(

but my dogs did cheer me up alot ytd! nobel followed me very closely,like she was afraid that i'll leave agn.but hildas..was totally emo and just kept lying in some corner.hahas.cos he just became bald and no longer feel handsome.he's really really upset abt that! and he wont respond to me calling him handsome boy anymore too.

before...

after! hahas.dun they look alike??

he was trying to beg for food.so adorable=)

yupp.indeed i had quite some fun during the weekends.went cycling on sat.but i feel really bad cos i kept troubling shengyu.but thks alot dude! i wont be able to have such fun without him! i bet its tough cycling with me.really sorry!

and i had fun having dinner on sunday with you guys too.though i must agree that sth feels weird too.zhiwei has changed too ba.but maybe not alot.hope that we'll remain good friends for a long long time!

a few more days to miko's first mth anniversary.i'll think of her each day.or..i'll make myself think of her each day.cos i dun wanna forget her.i really miss her still.i kept thinking of lots of 'wad if...'.and i guess i regret doing and not doing many things too.haix.

so much to say..but no one to turn to.

WHEN IT STARTS TO RAIN,DUN BE UPSET.COS THE SUN WILL EVENTUALLY COME OUT.wad matters is how you see the rain.

well,the day seemed to be fine.until noon,when things started to turn a little bad.
i was glad to have company.but i guess im just difficult to get along now.or you just din feel like talking to me anymore.to the rest,you seemed to have loads to say,but now,i feel as though you're a stranger.suddenly,i find it difficult to talk to you.i dunno why too.


but nvm.thought i could rush down in time for hpt.but reagen said he was the only free one for dinner.the rest had things on and cant stay.eee! i was so looking forward to meeting you guys today.and i walked a long long way to realise that there's no 45 at the bus stop.so i took 60 to bedok interchange and changed to 25 to get hm.when i passed shigs' hm,i felt like going to the bridge.so i alighted and took 51.WOAH! it's a one way road and i din know whr to alight.so i alighted when the bus got to a two-way road.while crossing the overhead bridge,i saw a bridge which was not too far away.I FELT HOPE=) so i walked towards that bridge.oh dear.wrong one.i was at robertson bridge.



however,it was along singapore river too.i asked for directions to kimseng bridge.the man said it was the next bridge not far away.so i happily walked towards the direction he passionately showed me.HOW NICE! I WAS AT JIAK KIM BRIDGE.he thot it was kimseng bridge.zzz.but he was really very friendly and his smiles really made my day better.





i looked opp and i saw kimseng park.HOPE AGN! so i crossed the bridge.and started to walk along the river.then i saw great world city.hahas.cos i was really lost and din know whr i was alr,i walked towards great world and took the same route as i took that night when i saw the bridge i wanted to go.took the bus and I SAW MY BRIDGE!!!!!!! it was a few stops away only.hahas! this is ALKAFF BRIDGE,NOT KIMSENG BRIDGE.no wonder i couldnt find.hahas.i like this colourful bridge.but cos i was really tired alr so i din stay for too long.the night view is alot nicer than the day view.wish that i could stay longer.but nvm.next time ba.I FOUND MY BRIDGE FINALLY=)






actually,i wanted to go thr cos i was feeling quite upset.especially on this day.i din tell anyone abt terence's bday.though i wanted to.but i still din ba.cos everyone was busy.cos i dun wish to look pitiful.a total joke.

i need to feel appreciated.if you all asked,i would say yes.
shud i go tmr? but i cant cycle and i dun wanna trouble anyone.argh! ITS NOT THAT I DUN WANNA BE WITH U ALL.i have my reasons too.

finally one more day to go.and im gonna celebrate after that! mm.though im feeling empty and dunno how to do so.feels like thr's no need to celebrate cos i guess i din put in effort too ba.the feeling's just not right.very bad.


im going back phs for belay sch!! though i guess they'll be done alr by the time i reach.mm.nvm! i can meet them for dinner or sth.i guess i'll feel better thr ba.cant make it for adventure and trng camp this yr.but nvm! i shall contribute next yr!! though running these camps are really tiring and the punishments are harsh,by whenever i think back,it seems like the process was really enjoyable and really fun that i din want it to end.


argh! the gap btw physics and chem p1 is soooooooo long!!!!!!!!! when there's no other papers in btw.eee!!!!!!! nvm.i've alr planned to get chunghiang's and cheeliang's presents during that time! hahas.i really dun feel like studying alr.i dun want.


no more cycling for me.daddy says I CANT CYCLE.AND IT'LL BE DANGEROUS.nvm ba.troublesome to bring someone who cant cycle along too.hahas.dun wanna spoil the fun too ba.so..just nvm ba.anw,i also gotta meet my sec sch pals on sunday too mah.dun wanna be tired for that.somehow,when daddy said no,it din really upset me much for long.maybe i din wanna go too ba.isnt it better that way? mm.i dunno too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
mm.i guess i shud be the first person.but u wont know ba.i guess it must be really terrible to spend it alone.do they celebrate for u in thr? mm.no news of his hm leave.so..i guess it wasnt approved? i guess..he must be feeling really disappointed.haix.


a few more hours to go.a new day ahead.wad will this day be like??

finally the more impt papers are over.left with 2 more paper 1s on fri.but i dun really have the mood to study anymore.i guess its normal ba cos i'll always feel that way when its the last few papers.


im a lucky girl today.hahas.super funny.cos i only read through demand and supply for econ and it came out.hahas! before the paper,when anyone asked me wad i studied and when i said demand and supply,they would laugh and say THAT TOPIC WONT COME OUT DE LAH. hello hello.look! wad happened?? hahas.call me a pro man! if only i have confidence that the topic would come out...i would have really studied that.but nvm lah.econ was three hours of writing and my hand was really tired.i swear i've nv tried to write so much before..that was quite an achievement i guess.


i wanted to go there today cos i guess the night view would be really pretty.but shigs said it'll be so emo to do so,but i dun see why she said so.but anw,i was quite tired too.so i din go in the end.mm.perhaps friday ba.hahas.bought lots of food from the pasar malam with her.i love cupcorn and candy floss!


today's the 21st day after you left.i wanted to do sth today but i din.mm.thats me.my dad also said so.i kept saying that i wanna do this,go thr..but i always change my mind in the end.indecisive person.but im sure that i'll rmb you and i still miss you.
its not abt dislike.its abt fear and deception.i dun wish to be always guessing wads on your minds and how you feel.i dunno wads on your minds exactly too.i dun wish to be laughed at for being dumb as i appreciate the wrong things.cos when hurt is done,no matter how hard you try,it will always leave a scar.and you shud know exactly how it feels now too.
yawns! gotta work harder girl! shud i go tmr? or shud i not?? i just cant get mad at you.argh!

muha! i saw the other brown cat ytd! so nice to see them tgt agn! but it disappeared after a while. din see it agn after that. argh! must be that black fat cat! hahas. where is my brown cat???


i guess prelims have been ENJOYABLE all these while.and really tiring too.i dunno why but i feel drained after each paper.and i'll slp like free after that! hahas. especially now.eeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! stupid flu! keep sneezing or feel like sneezing.and my nose runs like free! aiyah! shud have taken a pic of the tissues i had on my table during maths paper just now! felt really terrible ar! doing maths with a flu is totally unbearable.


zoe was at my place ytd.till 10 plus at night.she witnessed how i changed from no flu to with flu.and my voice changed too just after a while.its very surprising to see how fast the virus attacked me.scary too.i had quite a lot of fun with her ard here.especially the PORKFEE! muha! (its an inside joke)


value of friendship α change in friendship? mm.i dunno too.im tired of the stock market.(hahas.zoe will uds this!)


a few more days to the end of prelims! looking forward to meeting u guys during the weekends!
i think im going thr on fri ba.time to sit down...and think.cry it all out and let things go.

oh oh oh! today's nobel's 7th bday! but i din get to go back today cos i was slping.zzz.she's bald now! hahas.i saw her on fri.and she seemed sad abt that.its ok darling! ur fur will grow back soon! hope to see my dogs this week! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOBEL!!!

i feel like the brown cat downstairs.
i dunno how to describe how im feeling now.just...empty.and abit sad ba.


prelims have been going on for the past week.a few more days to go.so i guess i'll try my best to work hard and get through it ba.jiayou! (though its totally demoralizing.hahas)


tmr is mid-autumn festival.i met up with zoe and shigs just now.zoe gave us mooncakes and lanterns.rather gay.but thks for the thought dude! hahas.really wanna celebrate tmr! errs.though i dun celebrate it usually...but i just felt like doing so suddenly.


i guess i know wad i wanna do on fri after the papers alr.or maybe thurs ba.hahas.see how first ba.


lots of mood swings,mixed feelings,unhappiness,memories,misses...
i thought you would be there when the rest turn their backs on me.

today is not a very good day either. but oh well, i guess i shud just leave all these behind till i have more time to think abt them ba.

daddy gave me this just now. he said terence drew it. hahas. nice isnt it? im glad that he's learning well in there. and really hope that he'll continue to do so. daddy says he cant confirm if terence will be granted home leave. im sure he'll be really upset and disappointed if he's not granted that. cos he has been talking abt it for the past few mths. and i guess he still doesnt know abt miko. cos gillian has not sent her letter to him yet. i wonder wads gonna happen next. haix.




and i still miss you alot.



and i miss my nobel and hildas too! hope that i can find some time during the prelims period to go back to see them.



hahas.i simply love my darlings so much! looking at them will always brighten up my day.
why is it so tough to be angry at you?
muha! AH! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW=)

prelims are starting tmr and everyone's studying hard. ah. all the best ppl! JIAYOU!!

I DUN LIKE THIS.

call me unreasonable or wad, i just dun like this. i dun like how im feeling now. how can i make myself feel better? haix.


feels like im all alone.everyone's just too busy studying i guess. i dun blame them for that and i uds that.so why am i feeling like this?
i feel like going out. been at hm for the past few days and im decomposing real soon! luckily zoe's free to meet tmr. or else i'll be super low i guess. well,i din ask u out to study cos i know i'll be super restless and i dun wish to disrupt ur plans agn. and u seem rather busy too.so i guess its better not to disturb u ba. u jiayou ar! dun stress k? relax!=)

im so looking forward to tmr! finally getting out of hm. and airport! been wanting to go thr for a few days alr! yay!


and i heard that my dear nobel seems to have some kinda skin infection. take care darling! i'll come back to see you soon!!






and i still miss you alot =(

HEADACHE!!!!!!!!!!!

eee!!!!!! feels like i've studied ALOT today(as compared to my own standards.hahas)! integration is driving me nuts! i dun wanna do alr lah! i give up!! all the numbers are giving a great headache! very tedious and tiring lah! eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!


i dun wanna stay at hm tmr.but zoe's not free=( will be meeting her on sat then! but wad shall i do and whr shud i go tmr???? eeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!


im so bored now! who can entertain me?? today's just a restless and hyper day for me.i cant seem to settle down on sth for more than 20mins.argh!

rainy day.rainy mood.rainy me.i miss you alot alot alot!

lots of misses and loves still.

SEVENTH DAY.

a week ago,my beloved miko passed away. there hasnt been a day or night which i wont think of her. sometimes i'll even cry myself to slp. i just cant control but cry when i get reminded of her. hahas. it just happened too soon. it felt like a dream. and i really hope that my alarm clock will go off and wake me up from it. but i guess...it wont ring ba.


yes.thank you minmin. I AM SAD.hahas.but i think i shud be okay ba.just that sometimes,when i miss her really too much,i...will get upset.but im still ok ar! so no worries=)


this is weird.but actually im glad that im still crying over her death.cos it means that she really meant sth to me and i have not got over her so easily.


honestly,i really miss her alot.and my mood's just really heavy today.i dreamt of her last night.dreamt that she was at home but no one could see her except for me.I was really happy to see her agn,though it wasnt real.hahas.


despite all misses and tears,everyday life must still go on isnt it? so..i shall try to take it easy ba.


ok! forget all the unhappiness now.hey! let's go shopping after my prelims!!!!! okok??? hope to see u all real soon!

lots of misses=)