Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a still night in my wind pipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off the law, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going? I'm leaving you
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cus when its going good its going great.
I'm superman with the wind at his back
Shes Louis Lane but when its bad its awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whos that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on him, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them those chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at him
You swore you'd never hit him; never do nothing to hurt him
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push pull each other's hair, scratch claw hit him
Throw him down pin him
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's a race that's the culprit controls your boat
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you cus today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you ?? the game
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
I guess that's why they call it window pain

Now I know he said things hit things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship wasn't as crazy as it seemed
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eye ball
Next time I'm pissed, I lay my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

well.the event's finally over.no more waking up with anticipation.

surprisingly,i wasnt as upset as ytd. cos 17 keeps popping up in my mind. makes me feel so old.

looking at everyone, i really envy their youth. and the sweet sweet, simple love they share.

reminded me of the old times.with the friends i still love dearly,but i wonder if they know. the times when we led a carefree life( the only stress was from exams), when we used to go shopping tgt, when we spent hours just talking after school, when we used to hook each other's hands, when bubble tea was our only drink, when we could laugh and scream without bothering wad others would think of us, when we used to play ali bomb, when we used to compete lame jokes, when our only worries were results, competitions and the uncompleted homework, when we din have to arrange meetings so much beforehand, when we had recess tgt..

ppl change, and move on. i believe its called MATURING. whr did our naiveness and simpleness go? wad happened to BEST BUDDIES? from a kid to a teenager..then a teenager to an adult. i felt myself changing since last yr,and i think the ME now, and the ME from the start of this yr..is very different. the ME then, was a lil more sociable and loved to rely on friends. but the ME now seems alright by myself, independent, better at controlling tears and probably better at concealing my low esteem.

i wanna set new goals and plans for the next yr. i wanna learn to live life to the fullest everyday. for myself.

and i wish for everyone to be loved and for them to learn how to show their love for others. when you randomly think of someone, send him/her a text, let them know that you're thinking of them. little things you can do effortlessly, can make their day =)

take a walk, slow down your pace everyday to enjoy the little things in the world=)

its abt the end of the year alr. may all bad things stay here and not follow in the next yr!

to mel,zhiwei and jack..

im glad that im spending the last day with you guys agn!

CHEERS TO OUR FRIENDSHIP! LOVES=)

ALL MY LOVED ONES,MAY YOU HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD =)

everytime i finish a wonderful drama,i get this weird feeling of sadness and not wanting it to end. im feeling it now and im hoping that it'll die down after a few days just like how it always do.

that was totally my ideal guy.totally.

im kinda glad that i only found out on my second last day of work.

it was the first time i hoped work would end immediately.

i had a wonderful one mth though! and made many little friends =)

friends forever!

*CHAPTER CLOSED*

busy busy.but im pretty enjoying myself.

the customers are pissing me off..but im loving the work environment. AHEM AHEM! =)

on talkng and joking terms...hahas.

have a good feeling abt it =D

i heard he's off tmr though =(

seriously.pls dun let my blurness embarrass me anymore =(

anyways.my dear EX pals,i can tell that you guys REALLY CARE abt me.

good bye -.-

crushed =(

crap.

huge crush.

seriously.a huge crush.

wad should i do!!! =/

the bird at hm died last week.well.though i've lived in the same house with it for a few yrs,i had never really stopped to look at it.

we were pretty like strangers,but weirdly,whenever i pass by the cage lately, i'll think of it -.- it was pretty poor thing i guess.cos i thot that it seemed like a sad bird.

i think it was my dad's companion. giving it a bath was one of the first things my dad would do when he got hm everyday. i bet dad feels kinda empty now,especially as he's a very routine-kinda person. so im trying to stay out of his way these few days.trying to be more considerate.

RIP birdie.

loves still.

with increasing distance,

& growing unfamiliarity.

strangers.

anyway.level 3 de no. 9.why so secretive? -.-

ha.though i was hoping that it was SOMEONE elseS,

but thks! shud have expected it to be you =)

life is full of responsibilities. i have..many many responsibilities,many roles to play in everyone's lives. but because im not doing them well,im losing ppl,my loved ones, one by one.

im not a good role model.and i dun want them following my footsteps.

i haven been trying hard enough to guide them along.and im having troubles teaching them wads right or wrong. thats the thing abt teenagers.they think that the world revolves ard them only.but the truth is,it doesnt.because whatever you do..will affect ppl ard you.

when i was at your age,i did not have as much stuffs as you now. whatever i own now..is wad i fought hard for.wad i paid with my tears,sweat and sometimes,blood. the thing is,im just trying to teach you not to take things for granted and how to spend wisely. you cant possibly keep taking money from us to get stuffs you want. i had no older siblings to rely on.and its not good to cultivate such spending habit.you need to stop defending yourself and take in some advice. i dun want you to grow up like mum-.-

because im not good at being in anyone's life. i failed to be an encouraging sister in shamane's life,failed to bring terence back on the right track,failed to change my dad's impression of me,failed to live up to my mum's expectations and now,failed to impart the right values.

seriously,i've been trying hard to impress ppl ard me.

sick and guilty of not living up to expectations.

helpless to how minimal i can help my parents.

my life has been pretty harsh.and daddy was never as softspoken to me before.but he just did it to you just now.its pretty obvious that he's biased against me and towards you. you know,sometimes i wish he can be more supportive of me.but somehow,he's blinded from the efforts i've been putting in.

but no matter wad,family is always family. whatever family does,its definitely to hlp you to be a better person. family dun hurt family(though they may not be very considerate -.-). you may be mad,pissed, disappointed, upset at family..but when there's nowhere you can turn to, turn back.you'll see your family waiting behind.

i went to S'pore Association for the Visually Handicapped(SAVH) last wed for some volunteer work.i guess there were abt 15 volunteers,but most of them were middle aged.well,probably because its a weekday morning? youngsters shud really spend a little time doing some nice things for those in need..at least once in a while =)

it was interesting looking at and learning abt devices the blind or partially blind use in their daily lives.and honestly,these devices cost alot =( surprisingly,they have board games and poker cards which are almost like ours,except that they have special shapes and braille on them.also,when a blind person tells you "i dreamt of you ytd",we acty appeared to them in their dreams in the form of our voices.

imagine walking ard blindfolded.or a day without sun and light.the feeling of helplessness

.

acty the blind are just like anyone of us.except that they need more courage and time to adapt and learn so as to survive outside on their own.they get to attend school and be educated as well.

however,there are still less fortunate ones who are born with other disabilities,or those who nv got the chance to attend school.some overly worried and protective parents just simply refuse to let their disabled child(even when they're alr in middle age) be alone in the outside world.so they'll send their child to SAVH everyday to learn very simple chores,like putting cards into and out of envelopes.i think they only get 60bucks as allowance per month for doing these simple chores.

SAVH also provides massage services by the blind,which is open to public.everyday except public hols.if they're interested,the blind gets the chance to learn massage skills too.dun worry! they're certified and take proper courses.this is one way SAVH helps their blind to earn an income.take it as charity work too,support these services =)

while interacting with them,i realised how much they enjoy company.i guess they're really comfortable in SAVH as its whr they can feel independent and protected with the company of friends ard too.

if you meet a blind person shouting for hlp or for directions,dun shout back or keep tapping their shoulders.you'll scare them! just tap their elbow once,introduce yourself(so that they'll know you meant no harm) and offer your elbow to lead them the way.rmb to remain just a step ahead of them and notify them of any obstructions ahead =)

i was really bent on going thailand alone this dec.but mummy said she cant worry for my brother and me at the same time.so i guess i'll have to postpone my trip till next feb.

very disappointing though.cos i think i really need a break from the many roles in everyone's lives.i really wanted to recharge myself during the trip.haix.i might not survive that long -.-

but anw,she offered to let me tag along with my aunt to hk next wk if i want.sounds pretty tempting right.but it kinda forfeits the purpose.i want a trip,which i can be myself and forget wad others want me to be.a trip with no role to play.

ahh.now im hesitating.shud i just skip school and skip town?? with roles or no roles..just play?

DUN SAY THAT I HAVEN DONE MUCH.

wad do you know? even if you dunno..just open your eyes and see.do you really think im having fun?

during days when i just wanna lie around and do nth...

im not lazy.but need a break from my life now.

because they dun uds.
i wasnt pissed.i was just quiet cos i had nth to say.

im leaving.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOBEL!! =)





PLS STAY HEALTHY AND STRONG! I LOVE YOU!! =)
coming back to visit you soon!! =)


well.im starting to do a little well in my new job lately.

THANK YOU (looks up thr) FOR HLPING ME =)
i wont give up easily one lah.but just need the little encouragement to keep me moving on strong! hahas.

i was really happy that day..when i realised i din know who to share the news with. so,i told my mentor first.then my mum.i was texting sy and nic,so i told them next. then i thot for a while. finally,i called you. cos i cant rmb the last time we talked,and i was wondering if you would pick up..and how shud i start abt saying it.hahas.kinda sad huh.that i had to think of how to start a conversation with you.im not bearing any grudges against him.but im just upset abt how much you've changed.

everyone's back to their old lives agn.but even before that,nth much had changed.and it has nth to do with me being busy.



I MISS..

-bubbletea-ing tgt
-buying lots of snacks and camping at central stage
-gossiping abt the hottest guys in school,asking me for opinions abt those guys while i give the "dont care" look
-warming up tgt in court,screaming and laughing
-shoppings before trainings and after school
-standing in front of the school gate,deciding where to go..but always ended up in J8
-travelling unnecessary trips just to accompany friends
-personal meetups, not clique meetups
-proper meetups without anyone leaving early,especially to meet other friends
-seeing your faces in school,
-hearing your voices
-having lunch during breaks tgt
-talking on the phone
-being patient with my nonsense
-random immediate meet up
because i haven felt special for a long time,dont feel different from the guys anymore.
i dont receive texts from you anymore,unless there's a GROUP gathering.none of your names are in my inbox anymore.because none of you was ard when i needed you most.our psychological distance..is even further than the geographical distance.i dun know you all anymore=(
i used to think..no matter how far apart,how many new friends we make,i'll still have you guys to fall back on,just like you guys have me.but..i think im starting to doubt that now =(

i had a busy and tiring week.extra tuition leesons for the first 3 days.and family stuffs,friends gathering,ALOT OF SLPING and ONLY ONE PROPERTY VIEWING for the next 4 days -.-

for most of my life,i've planned everything by myself.when mummy interferes in how i do property,it does irritate me alot.because she's very demanding-.- to her,her views seem to be the only right views.and she must always try to oppose my views.which is really annoying.even when im trying to teach her new things.
hahas.we went to pray the other day,and coincidentally,both of us prayed for my career.

mm.i feel like im always fighting everything by myself.no one seems to agree that its right to start property now.no one seems to agree that i should defer school for a yr,though im not intending to do so too anymore.no one agreed that i should be a florist in the first place too.what others of my age are not doing now..doesnt mean that i shouldnt do too! everything's worth a try.like being a florist for instance.DIN I DO REALLY WELL IN IT? haix.see! the key is DARE TO TRY!

but the thing is..i feel like i have a lot of commitments now.its draining me out.and i wonder if i can still handle when school starts in less than a mth! though mummy and i prayed for the same thing,we had 2 different lots.VERY DIFFERENT LOTS.

mine was good! saying that its the right time to start wad im doing now.i almost cried,but im very well trained in holding back tears now.hahas.i wanted to cry,cos i felt that someone knows wad im going thru even though i dun have to say anything to HER.GOM agrees with wad im doing,maybe its luck,and i dun wanna be overly superstitious.but the feeling,that someone uds me,gives me hope and strength to move on. thank you for understanding! im not giving up yet =)

mummy had a bad one! the lot asked her to shut up and not interfere in wad im doing.hahas.THAT TEMPLE'S REALLY VERY ZHUN AR! hahahs! GOM can really read my mind! its not that i dun want my mum to interfere,but i have my ways of doing things too.i dun wanna do things HER WAY only.and im young and new.i need to meet obstacles myself before i can succeed.im not eager or anxious to succeed though.experience will help me.i dun want my mum to keep sheltering me! thats why its better for her not to interfere =)


my brother.is still not sensible yet.he's given chances after chances.and its his last chance now.why cant he see our contributions and just stay out of trouble? haix.he's of a rebellious age now and nagging or shouting makes him worse.haix.wad else can we do?

the good thing is,i think he's having chicken pox now.so he'll be out of trouble for a few days.hopefully-.-
but the bad thing is..im the one taking care of him.and i gotta bring him to the doctor in a while -.-



27TH AUGUST

you have been gone for 2 yrs.i wonder wads its like over thr.or are you even still thr? how are you now?
you were a quiet,beautiful,clean and skinny dog.memories of you are fading as life gets busier and time gets longer.but darling,you have not been forgotten.its not as painful now,but it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt at all.
life is short.everyone should cherish every living thing we meet in our lives,because we might not see them agn even after we pass away.or maybe we will meet agn,but will we rmb each other then?
i believe that we'll meet agn.thank you for being my wonderful dog,my family =)

GETTING MORE AND MORE DEMORALIZED EACH DAY.

BUT EVERYDAY'S A BRAND NEW DAY!

FIGHTING!!

=D

i want to be a stronger person.
because i hate myself for letting it affect me all the time.
it hurts that they keep pushing responsibilities.
it hurts even more that he even brings out custody.
but it hurts the most,when no one uds how hard i've tried to make up for it,how tough everything had been and how horrible it feels to handle it by myself while he only knows how to misuds.

should i? or should i not?

maybe i'll be lucky for once.but if it doesnt work...then nvm lah.one more yr wont make much difference right? hahas.im still young =) pls say im right.

i am too tired to scream back at him.or maybe im used to it?

ahh.wad a horrible post =/

im gonna have a pretty relaxing wk ahead! mainly just tuition,cos im only starting era next wk.cos my mentor's not ard! yay! i can slp longer..wake up ltr! and finish my harry potter! hoho!

i would love to spend my wk watching movies and dramas! but my dear com cant seem to cooperate.its mute now!! ahh!! i seriously need to get a new com soon! cos i wanna watch my shows =(

mm.if only i can say..I DUN FEEL A THING AT ALL.

I
AM
REALLY
TIRED
AND
SLEEPY
NOW....
BUT!!!

i wanna say a few things first! hahas!

i had a really busy and packed mth.working like everyday.and im pretty worn out =( money comes and goes as quickly =( i wonder wad i spend on too! ahh.im starting to feel guilty abt the mineral make up now! how zoe???!!! tell me its worth it! in the long run! as long as i stop comparing prices from other brands -.- ahh.it was a nice,short date though! i cant rmb when was the last time.(AHEM.I SAID THAT ON PURPOSE! GET IT???) hahas.well.at least i saved a bit by buying clothes from net! i seriously need to stock up on office wear now =(

as most shud know by now,i decided to try real estate.ahh.just joined era and im printing my namecards this sat! gosh! i feel old.and i can foresee how tired im gonna be =( however! if im lucky to earn well...i can pay for alot of things by myself.and i can splurge to pamper myself then! hoho! i wish =)

2 more yrs.freedom's right thr as long as you cherish it.its your last chance now.and this nv happened to anyone before.pls.look and think of the ppl doing so much for you.think before acting! he looks like a grown up now.

okay! im really slping alr -.-

finally home sweet home! cos i miss my darlings so much!

thank god that they're still so plump! and i think..big eyes is in our blood! even our dogs have big eyes! ahahahhahahs! i wanted to swim today! took all my stuffs along with me to work..hm..and still,lazy to go to the pool -.- I WILL SWIM TMR THEN!

rarely a free friday.but i had nowhere to go.i was very busy at work though.since i had nth on,i stayed for a few hrs longer..then came home.to my dogs! ARENT THEY ADORABLE?????? =D hahas.they look like teddy dogs! so nice to hug!

shengyu! faster be free! i wanna watch inception too! faster organise!! =)

i dun dislike being a florist,but it has irritated me pretty often lately.because im tired i think.thats why i dun feel like working.

but now that im left with only a mth...ahh.im starting to miss it alr =(

im too lazy to start my own biz..but i dun wanna leave my flowers =(

this is one of wad i was busy with today! A $200 FRUIT BASKET! seriously,i think if i were the patient..i'll be super annoyed.so many fruits for wad! hahas.and no tonics and stuffs-.-

staying over for the night! cant exactly rmb when was the last time! its quiet and cool here.MOST IMPTLY,NO MOSQUITOES SO FAR.i tell you ar,the mosquitoes at dad's place..they're SUPER POWERFUL! AND FAST! seriously cant smack them even though i set traps and waited hrs for them! hahas!

im enjoying the night now.nobel's slping just beside,and she wags her tail when i call her.HA! I THINK SHE'S FAKING TO BE ASLEEP! LAZY PIG!

everything's pretty nice here..but can someone ask those cats outside to keep quiet!! -.-

im so addicted to the song! makes me wanna cry.

한걸음 만큼 그댈 보내면 눈물이나
한걸음 만큼 그대가 가면 더 눈물이흘러 와
손을 뻗어도 손내밀어도 닿을수 없는 곳으로
그대 가는데 잡지 못하고 난 울고만 있죠

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
그대가 떠나가네요

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
날두고 떠나가네요
사랑해요 사랑해요
목놓아 불러보지만
그댄 듣지 못해요 가슴으로만 외치고 있으니

하루온종일 지워보지만 또 떠올라
하루온종일 이별하지만 또 다시 떠올라
손을 뻗어도 손내밀어도 안을수 없는 곳으로
그댄 갔지만 찾지 못하고 난 울고만 있죠

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
자꾸 그대만 보여요

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
난 그댈 사랑하는데

미안해요 미안해요
내말이 들리시나요
다시 돌아와줘요 그대 아니면 난 안되니까요

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
난 오직 그대뿐인데
어떡하죠 어떡하죠
그대가 떠나가네요

어떡하죠 어떡하죠
날두고 떠나가네요

사랑해요 사랑해요
목놓아 불러보지만
그댄 듣지 못해요 가슴으로만 외치고 있으니

heh! isnt he hot!! hahahs! spain won! luckily! and i won 50cents i think.but acty..i support holland eh.hahhas!

its a pity that i din watch with friends.i bet it would have been fun too.just like the night at jalan kayu! i honestly love that night and you guys too =)

2 days..and not even 10hrs of slp.im not gonna wake up till 3 tmr! hahas.

because everything's falling apart now.

THIS IS SPECIALLY DEDICATED TO MY 3 LOVELY GIRLS..

MISS LOY PEI WEN
getting that call from you a few days back really did scare me.i cant imagine that kinda stress you've been thru the past yr,because it is is making you so afraid of the future. dear,the thing is..being the best and top isnt everything. wad matters most is that you've given your best,and you shud learn to take things easy. results shouldnt be your priority,and doing average is very normal, so dun be too harsh on yourself! hahas.im sure you'll do better than average! stress decreases productivity! let the past go.or else it'll continue to affect you! dun worry! you'll do great! and yes dear! you can count on me,no matter wad =)


MISS CHANG ZHI JUN
hello dear! thks for always being the one to gimme a ride! hahas.love ya the most! life is indeed full of ups and downs.and you had,more than once,showed me how to stand up quickly from failures and pain,and i really admire you for that! because i still cant do it as well as you do.you're one person who doesnt show emotions easily.and memories of you are always happy and carefree.hahas.mm.no matter wad,you have friends,like US or zp and ch,who will be ard always.if there's such a time when you're upset or hurt..look for us k? =)


MISS AUDREY KHOO
HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHS!! so glad that you're back! though for just a short one mth,but im sure its a fully packed mth for you! maybe its to celebrate your return,i guess this one mth is prolly the mth our clique meets up the most.WITH ALMOST FULL ATTENDANCE SOMEMORE.hahas.thank you dear for the bbq! reminded me alot of the old days.and the crazy things we used to do tgt.you haven changed much! i hope that you're doing well in school! and most imptly,enjoying wad you're doing now! like zjun,you dun usually show wad you're feeling inside.and smiling though you're sad.though we might be far away,you can still contact us k? hahas.i'll write to you! been wanting to,but couldnt make myself settle down to write one properly! hahas.i'll miss you! =)


thank you girls! for still being in my life! love you guys!! =)

p.s thank you shengyu too! for going shopping! walking and talking so much too! feels like im knowing you all over agn =)


oh oh oh! and thank you mel and zw too! for watching WC with me! hahas.my first official WC.its a pity the rest couldnt make it! nvm! 4 yrs ltr then! yes.andre's gonna say -.- agn. hahas.thank you mel's mum for asking me to slp on the bed and making me eat and drink! hahas.sorry for disturbing her! oh.and zw! nice to hear you say hi! hahhahahhas! and i din manage to wake up to see the dentist! hahas.finals! van persie!! =)

i thot that it has disappeared.
but there it goes agn.and its suffocating me :(
will you listen to me now? :(

audrey's back! and finally a nice gathering today.
i had fun bbq-ing with our 02/07! talking abt the old days..and i really miss them :)
cant wait for despicable me! I LOVE YOU GUYS :D

i din realise that it has been a yr.and the first thing i noticed was..his big nose and hands.a grown up now.

i've nv seen mummy like this before.or at least not for a long long time.its like..she's really a mum.and its totally rare for her to leave work just lidat.mm.i think she only managed to attend my parent-teacher conference once.okay.maybe twice.
it must hurt alot to see your own child lidat.i saw those silent tears.
its weird that i could control myself.in front of others.hahas.i feel stronger.

we alr had plans.had the rm prepared.well.plans are meant to fail i guess.i hope he realises that he's not alone and hope that he feels the love from us.and pray hard for changes.
the usual me..might have told someone abt it.im still looking for all of me to come back.
isnt it weird? to try not to offend someone SPECIAL,and piss others off because you know that its okay to piss this "OTHERS" off? sometimes,OTHERS have things to say
but anyways! i think..im getting better at tuition =)

back to the old days.with chocolates.truth sucks.and you too.

its weird.to only find out stuffs after this long.i was alone! for a very long time-.-
why din you guys say so earlier?!!
fire rekindled.


but anyways,i used my sis's treat to the spa ytd.
back massage was funny.and weird.being naked and i was damn shy.hahas.she kept carrassing my body like i was dead.and talking to me when i couldnt answer lah.weirdness! hahas.they almost got me to pay the package! hoho! im so proud that im so persistent this time =)

im waiting for the ideal one =)

it once felt that it was really close.but im pretty sure now that its gone forever.CHEERS TO IT! its a happy ending! =)

though late,but HAPPY 20TH SHIGGY!!! you dunno how lucky you are to always have all your loved ones on your special day! hahas.hope that you had fun this yr! that night was fun,but i dunno how much you rmb-.-IT WAS NICE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU GIRLS! like watching min running ard,and zoe trying to reply msgs while carrying her pokka bag-.- hahas.and tell swee & martin,I TOTALLY LOVE THEM WHEN THEY'RE TGT,hahas.i think i dun mind going with you all agn=)

mm.have been spending pretty much of my time lately with my dearest girls.time spent these past wks seems to be alot more than time spent tgt the last mths-.- love zoe's card! thank you! but there was more to wad happened during that awful mth.and its not that i dislike wy.aiyah.how to say ar.you guys meet almost everyday in sch,and even not in sch too.how often do i get to see you right? sometimes,i need private time alone.like girls talk.and its very awkward to be with you two too-.- so!! try to uds my feelings la ar! hahas.
and lets visit nat on monday! hahas.how interesting will that visit be!
and teo on tues! =)

ahh.totally hate wad im feeling now.and i dunno how to describe too! if only i could let someone take my feelings for a while-.-

I TOTALLY HATE PRETENTIOUS PPL.

pain gets less obvious as days pass.
totally thankful to friends who have been asking me out lately.for shopping,for sleepover,for swimming...ahh.well.work plays a big part too.ohoh! and my dramas too.

i was hesitant then.but im now determined.to let everything pass.

i had fun searching with shiggy for her gifts.and i totally love today's shopping trip! the dress and shoes! thank you andre for being patient and generous!!! =)

because.im leaving the past behind.since life has to go on,why not live everyday like thr's no tmr? =)

new stuffs.new start.new dreams.new hopes =)

my actual 20th was spent with ppl i love.

early 12mn with zoe,shrooms,min.shroom's call was adorable.i guess she thot that there are 5 players in mahjong? ahh.why do they always come just after i finish bathing? so chui-.-

went for late night shrek(witches gives me the creeps-.-).followed by late night wanton mee=)

met my sec sch cliques,my besties! tgt with zw and jack.thank you for the gifts! i love nat's card,min's letter,the shoes(it came in handy ltr that day!),wallet,elmo balloon..AND TOTALLY NOT FORGETTING THE ELMO YOU GUYS CAUGHT! hahas.its TOTALLY ADORAAAAAABBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!! THANK YOU =D

met my jc clique after that.ahh.WALKED ALOT.because of miscommunication-.- hahas.but im glad that most of the clique was thr =) had fish n co.and was made to stand on the chair.ahh! totally embarrassing-.- luckily edmund accompanied me! hahas.i wanted to share my birthday with him too anyway! we walked alot after that trying to look for peiwen's wallet! poor girl! hope that everything's fine now! =)

this birthday,i've received the most cakes and elmos,as well as attention from my family since a long long time ago.mummy treated us to dinner twice to celebrate.daddy treated us to seafood too.mm.jessie bought me a little cake too =) thank you peeps =)

its different this time.i think im old alr-.-the thing is.what is one day,compared to the many days left right? no pt trying to make someone feel special for just one day.

but thank you all.for such a day=)

感触良多.hahas.i think thats wad dramas will say.

i guess mel's right.im not different from them.
things din just start to change only recently.it was since a long time ago.
i dun know them anymore,just like they dun know me too.mm.we're just like..strangers who are familiar with each other.mm.its weird,that i have to worry abt awkwardness btw us now.

im not expecting phonecalls and meetups everyday.but at least when you realise that it has been a while since the last time i was in your lives.or a msg when you're bored of studying,or when sth new and exciting has just happened.i dun need to know everything,but at least the major ones.cos i dun wanna look dumb when i have to hear them from someone else(less related).ahh.its really silly that ppl think that you shud alr know,when you acty dun-.- i dun wanna hear abt you from others :(
when was the last time i had total attention from you all? when was the last time i was the only one you all were meeting for the day? every meeting ended soon,with you guys leaving to meet other friends.even during meetings,you all were busy with your phones.thank you.for not listening to me-.-
i just dun feel needed anymore.or maybe it was all along lidat from the start.i have nth in common with you guys anymore.and the distance is getting obvious,now that you are all gonna be in the same school agn.

some stuffs can be felt,though unsaid.what was broken will still leave a crack.it doesnt just disappear.
twice.they werent ard when i needed them most.twice.they had time for others,but not me.

so tell me.how much are friendships worth now? mm.i think.just being hi-bye friends doesnt sound like a bad idea anymore.

people enter and leave our lives everyday.only those who truly love us,stay.
everyone says things they dun really mean or rmb everyday too.but do they realise that it might matter alot to others? like the disappointment it brings? Mmm.if only people mean wad they say.


finally an almost full meeting with the "clique"! turkish cuisine was....(UNIQUE).all thks to the guys =)
i totally enjoyed the lame jokes part! whr i really met true competition! hoho! LOVED the stupid ideas and things i said,and EXTREMELY LOVED the replies edmund and andrew gave.HAHAHAHAHAS! the straw part was IMBA! i think it'll take me 3 days to come up with that! well done andrew! =D (oh.and i realised your secret too.hahas!) THANK YOU EDMUND FOR ALWAYS PLAYING ALONG WITH ME! buddyness forever! CHEERS!! =D
robin was.butt numbing-.- like 3hrs long!!! and all of them looked almost the same to me.hahas.but it wasnt bad lah ar =)


swimming was pretty different this time.hahas.well.i figured that i need some exercise after months of...not exercising.and swimming seems like a good choice =) i totally love those little kids who were having swimming lessons! they were super adorable! hahas! with their googles.and short legs(as long as my hands)! hahas.very very cute =D well.i had a few stupid and embarrassing moments too,but oh well! it was one good experience =D
*to zoe(the friend of 7.5yrs):of course i know how to swim.im..super imba one okay-.-*


oh ya.HOHO! EXAMS ARE OVER ALR! YAYYYY! and im back to the flower world.my dear friends and love for 1.5yrs =) today was a busy day.enjoyable,lovely,a little pissing but overall,very satisfying=) cos im glad that i can still make pretty flowers.which May thot that was pretty nice too! =D


rmbs alot of things from the past lately.things that might not mean anything to others anymore.hahas.thats why its the past.

okay.this is specially dedicated to MS LOY PEIWEN!

thank you for the 4hrs long talk ytd! cos it has really made a difference =)
im sorry for not being ard then! i din realise that things were that bad then.but seriously, you CAN REALLY call me if anything happens,if you need a friend k? =)

and pls.dun let others influence you,like make you lose your confidence or pride okay!
you dun need ppl to tell you how good you are all the time.YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE! really!! so dun let bad experiences affect you anymore! you'll do well this time! trust me.trust YOURSELF=)
mm.first times are always the most unforgettable.when its time to let go,you shud really do so.because everyone deserves someone better=)

well! i hope that i've made you feel better after ytd!!

loves=)

oh mannn!!! ip man's so nice!!! love it totally!!

I'VE COMPLETED HALF OF MY EXAMS ALR!!

so far.not too good.but not too bad either-.-
i hope that the rest will be better! =)

I'LL BE FREE IN LESS THAN A WK.okay.maybe not too =(

some stuffs.are not easily forgotten.

but anw,did i mention that ip man's damn nice? hahahs!
im gonna watch lots of movies once my exams are over!
oh oh oh! and i want steamboat! =)

HOLIDAYS!! PLS COME SOON!! =D

alright.exams start..tmr.
the last and the only relevant exams for the yr.
hoho! and im still so relaxed-.-

too many things happened during the past mth.
but.its all over now.and i survived them anw!!

met death for the first time.and it feels so unreal.
however,that scene keeps coming to my mind.
life is very unpredictable.

may you rest in peace.

when too many bad things happen tgt...everything seem to not feel like wad was expected.like wad was expected to be very saddening..wont seem as saddening anymore.NUMBNESS!

pls keep nobel healthy.help her to recover soon!
pls make my ever-supportive mum strong.i need you to be ard..so pls,dun think of leaving.
well.mm.ya.i kinda expected that anw.time will heal all wounds =)
one day,i'll find my jim clancy.hahas.

i.am.in.the.process.of.doing.so.

cheer up! stay strong! gonna keep my head held high.

nobel's like the queen of my hse.i cant imagine how upset everyone would be if she's really gone.
blood donors are really rare.haix.im trying hard,and i hope that i can find her one.though chances seem to be pretty slim now.

but my nobel's a strong girl.she shud be feeling pretty horrible now.but she doesnt show it at all.she doesnt whine,and tries to look normal.gosh.get well soon can? i haven done wad i've promised you yet.

i've just recovered from the loss of miko.i really was just starting to feel that i've got over that loss,now im abt to face another one.
crap.why cant i do anything for her?

miko.pls.dun take nobel away.not now.

Comms ball was pretty fun,but a little awkward too.ha.saw lots of familiar faces...ALOT FROM TJ(guys and dates)!
THANK YOU REAGEN FOR BEING SUCH A GENTLEMAN(AT LEAST DURING MOST OF THE TIME)!! =D
eh.i really did try my best to not disgrace you alr ar! hahas! it was a really nice experience! thank you! =)

im feeling really crappy today.and most probably tmr too-.-
oh well.who cares. =S

i wish that...haix.

i just finished writing a letter to him.the last time i talked to him,or even saw him was like..mm.a yr ago.
just a few more months,and he'll be out.i hope that he'll finally grow up and think.hope that he'll do well in the future.

its time to decide which degree to take.i thot that it might be difficult to decide.but now that i've placed his future before mine,i think..i know wad i'll choose now.hopefully he'll realise how much we've done for him.

daddy keeps saying that i always do things rashly,without thinking or consulting anyone.ha.this shows how much he uds me.and does consulting help anw? no.it wont.and they know it clearly-.-

ahh.i like ghost whisperer! and its crazy to cry almost every episode.hahas.

i feel better now.

ahh.i feel so much more energetic after a nice bath! =)

met up with the girls to celebrate nat's bday in advance! happy 20th nat!! and im glad that i gave her her card on time this time=) so glad that tuition was cancelled today! cos i was already feeling sleepy after lunch! hahas.

things dun feel the same anymore.ppl are becoming harsher,impatient,awkward and busier too.
yes.they'll say,PLS UDS.WE CANT HLP IT.
but seriously,do they uds you then?

ahh! school's starting tmr! feeling excited,and upset too.no more holidays =(
and really.im gonna start studying alr! hahas.

haix.bad time of the mth.makes me moody and frustrated easily=(

okay.i made my wk a pretty busy one! congrats-.-

had class outing on tues.movie and steamboat.but ahh.it was a lil uncomfortable.weird.spending hrs tgt.cos seriously,it was difficult to look for a common topic-.- but anyway! it was a good attempt? and the best part is,i found the right dress for dinner alr! hahas.i think i shall go back to buy soon!

walked around vivo after tuition on wed.finally explored the place,was starving! but ended up with just a cup of bubble tea.cos everywhr was crowded.and it was no fun walking alone,so i left! hahas.

spent the whole of ytd slacking at hm.slept ALOT! hahas.and did wad i had to do.but ahh!! i think im out of ideas! i hope everything turns out fine! :)

will be meeting my primary school friends ltr! we haven met since we graduated? hahas.THAT LONG.oh mannnn! i hope that it wont get awkward ltr!! have fun!

working and meeting jc clique tmr! i hope i can make it! hope that it wont be busy at work tmr!!!
then its celebrating nat's bday on sunday! yay! cant wait to see them soon!

look! i made my week busy! how smart! =)

okay.i can conclude that this will be a horrible week! everyone's busy! schooling! ns-ing! working! holidaying! AHH! finally a good wk of holiday! a great wk of rest,BUT! NTH TO DO! so upsetting!! so disappointing!!

ended my last paper last sat! it wasnt easy! so i din complete and left! ha! i think less than half the hall was ard when i left! met hpt clique! for alice then dinner(which din turn out as planned-.-) hahas.i thot the movie was pretty fun! THE NAME IS HMMM.YOU IDIOT! hahas!! i love her head=)

tuition today was pretty fun too.those kids were very excited and enthu abt lessons today! ha! and they called me TEACHER! lol!

im gonna keep myself busy this wk! im gonna find lots of things to do!!!!

yay! finally had my steamboat at hm ytd! with my family and DOGS=) it was great talking to sisters and mum as usual,though it felt a little weird too cos our topics seem to get more senstive each time-.-
ahh.nobel looks alot less active now.im starting to get worried now.stay strong k? =(

i had my first tuition today! yay! hahas.was a little worried at first,but luckily i could handle marcus so far.his mum wants me to focus on chinese,so we had a whole lesson of chinese! heh.and i made a few mistakes IN FRONT OF HIS MUM-.- i think..i need to start reading chinese soon.hahas.
will be teaching his sis from next wk too.so i think..i might stop flower-ing soon=(

sat! last paper! yay! then meeting reagen and gang after that!

but shucks.dunno wad to wear for d&d =/

heh.went to watch my sis's bball finals today.first time watching a bball match,and also the first time watching my sis play! lol.she kept calling me this morning to remind me of her match-.-

anw! thank you chunfu for going with me! hahas.come on! wasnt my sis imba?
ahh.i think they played pretty well alr lah.but their opponent was better prepared.hahas.

it was amazing to watch her play like that.seriously,i din know that she was that good at it.hahas.
oh.and it was weird when her coach and teacher shook my hand when she introduced me as her sis.hahas.but also very proud to hear her coach say,"GILLAN HAS MATURED ALOT THIS YR." lol.weirdness!

went town.and talked alot abt our secondary sch days.ahh.so much fun and nice memories!
but din stay long,cos we're both tired and dressed very chui-ly-.-

a few more days to my last paper! i shall start studying tmr! and do the chores!!

haven had my steamboat yet! i think i shud ask my mum out! friends cant be trusted-.-
hahas! weekends! come soon!! =)