i dunno what to say abt life lately. mm. really tiring. everything is just not right. and its making me real sad. i feel like just running away cos i dun wanna face them. i dunno how to deal with them.

i was pretty happy on mon. our match vs YJ was quite good. won them 25:9, 25:5. and i was getting quite on form alr. played for both sets but in the 2nd set, for the last few points, mr fung subst daphne in to play my position cos he wanna let the reserves try. i was so sure that we would win JJ on tues. andrew came down after lessons. couldnt make it for my match but he watched the guys play. mm. he played that day and i cheered for him very loudly. andrew said my screams were very piercing. but i was really high cos he was playing. does he even know that? mm. after that, the four of us cabbed to kallang to support peiwen's match. wad a day of competitons. wayne,edmund,zhijun and audrey were thr alr. netball thrashed IJ too. we went over to KFC for dinner but had to wait for pw to come over. she sure took a long time. everyone was starving and exchanging phones to play games. and i was tired. but had fun talking to them while waiting. we were talking abt bdays. and mine's in a mth's time. they keep saying that they wont celebrate for me but will celebrate edmund's on purpose so as to make fun of me. haha. i know they wont. errs. hopefully they wont. i had a terrible one last yr and i dun want it to happen twice. after that, we went to kallang leisure park to walk around. actually i was tired and din feel like going cos i had an impt match on tues. and he wasnt going. but andrew was sad. i din wanna let him alone. i know i'll feel guilty if i did so so i stayed on. eh andrew! dun be too touched ar! i went with them afterall. we wanted bowling but changed to just walking ard after that.But we din stay for long cos I wanted to go hm earlier to rest. we took the shuttle bus to kallang mrt station. Listened to Andrew talk abt his probs and hopefully I helped him a bit. U chill ah!

I was thinking if he would msg me that night. He did. Haha=) I was damn high. He asked me to slp earlier, dun let him see me tired the next day. I was really happy cos even if he din mean it, at least he tried to show concern. I was really nervous abt the match. But I’ve nv thot that we would lose to JJ. i was really happy abt him msging me. and it was ruined the next day when shigs saw that he msged HER alot. i was very very very sad. and it got me thinking why shud i get so happy because of the msgs when he din care much. i dun want him to think that i really need him that much.

I came out early on tues cos I wanted to slp a bit. Was quite tired. We trained a bit before leaving for ccab. The bus ride was relatively quiet as usually we would make a lot of noise. Shigs got Sweeliang to support us and he took a few SC ppl with him. Not the whole of guys team came along. But I din expect much from them anw. Those who went were the frequent supporters. Janan msged me to apologise for not being able to make it cos he sprained his ankle. He’s very nice cos he came for all our matches I think. And he would always apologise if he couldn’t cheer for us. This is wad I call a supportive team mate. Haha. Anw, I think we were nervous. Very obvious. Mr Fung brought his wife along too. Super cool! Zhijun and Audrey came too. We had lots of supporters. Zoe, jeline,seeun and shumei were scorers so that they could come support us. Im really touched! Thks alot ppl. I was pretty on form. For the first time this season, I could spike during free spike. but honestly, i wasnt very confident of myself cos i just got back my touch. hockey girls had match outside our court. he was watching her if im not wrong. he wasnt ard until our match started. i had this uncomfortable feeling inside me that i couldnt explain. but i put aside and concentrated on my match.
i started cheering my team during warm up. cos we were quiet as compared to when playing against HCI. i looked opp. JJ coach was obviously nervous. i knew that we had to use our morale if we wanna win. our match started. the first few pts, both teams were fighting close. but our morale wasnt high enough. i kept cheering. i wasnt nervous or worried abt the game. i knew that we wld win. really. everyone was quite quiet. i had to bring the morale up. i had to. angelina was nervous. her balls werent exactly easy to spike. and she was really quiet. mr fung subst her for denise. i felt quite relieved when she came in cos i wanna denise to drop balls and win pts. angelina's not as fast when doing so. but denise din do so. JJ was leading. we lagged behind and the gap became bigger. somehow i felt that my team wasnt fighting hard to get the pts back. my mum and sis came. i saw them walking in. i din give up. still keep cheering, hoping that they wld become high and win back the pts. when i got subst by libero, i was tired alr. after all the cheering. i was scared alr. JJ was leading by so much. it was quiet in court. mummy was standing near my team. i walked to her. tears were in my eyes. i told her that i was scared. i dunno wad to do to bring up the morale. my hands were cold when i touched my mum. she was shocked andtried to calm me down. my team wasnt playing bad, we were like playing during trng. we just lacked the eagerness to win JJ and get back the pts. i was fighting hard. really. but no one else was. when i was outside, the court was quiet. they were stressed. wwe lost many pts consecutively. mr fung din say much or shout at us cos he din wanna stress us any further. meiyan was very off form. every ball she spiked,i really mean every ball, went out. she was nervous. i dunno wad to do to them in court. i asked mr fung if he wanna subst her with daphne. he refused. he really din stress us at all. during time outs, he said just forget abt the 1st set, we'll win the 2nd set, focus on the 2nd set. we lost the first set. the gap was too big. we lost 10:25 i think. for the 2nd set, they started leading again. i din give up. i really fought very hard and i was really tired cheering. but no one else could cheer. they were tired too i think. then we slowly caught up. 10:10. then we started losing pts again. the setter set quite a few balls to me. but i kept hitting it very softly. cos i saw the blocker's hands. i wasnt sure that i could get thru her hands. so i began hitting it soft. i wanted to aim the sides so i could disrupt the formation. but i just couldnt hit. i knew that i hit too many soft balls, i decided to use strength too. the first time, i got blocked. the blocked ball could be received but kelly wasnt prepared. the second time, i decided to aim the blocker's hands. i used alot of strength and i missed her hands. lol. OUT BALL! then i got subst out by meiyan. but when she got in, she lost 2 pts straight. mr fung subst me back. but the gap was too big. i heard that after 10:10, we lost 13 pts straight. finally we lost to JJ. 2:0. we lost. they were so happy and cocky. so annoying. i still couldnt accept the fact. it felt like i was dreaming. shigs cried immediately after that. everyone went up to comfort her. i was still in a shocked state. i dunno how to react. and no one came to me. no one. zoe was busy with shigs. i was alone. he was watching hockey. even at such a time. i walked past him and shengyu. they din say anything to me. i walked away. and cried. denise came to me. JP too. they hugged me and tried to comfort me. i really dunno wad to say. i guess we din play badly. but we din fight, din pin enough. but i did. i really pin alot. it was really tiring. but i just couldnt bring up the morale. it was my responsibility. all along, i was the main person to bring up the morlae. i failed that day. i felt so helpless in court. does anyone know? i was so tired and i couldnt afford to stop cheering. but they din follow my cheer. i really dunno wad else could i do. that match was my best match. i din regret it. shigs scolded meiyan off and made her cry very badly. she said she pinned high hopes on meiyan but she kept spiking out. i know she was feeling sad abt the match. but honestly, u shudnt have done that. cos meiyan was feeling bad enough. she din have enough experience and that match was very stressful. the tension in court was unbearable. i guess she just couldnt take it there and kept spiking out. shigs, wad u did was the same thing ziyang did to me a few yrs back. i understand how meiyan feels. when she was really sad abt her performance alr, she needed comfort. wad u did was very cruel. like wad he did to me. ziyang came up to me and said direcly that i played badly. i was very very very hurt by that. but i guess you were just too upset abt the match that you forgot how to care abt others feelings. after the match, shengyu and him din even come close to me. they din say a single thing to me. i was very sad and disappointed. i din expect much from him lah. he was too busy with hockey. but i was very sad with shengyu. i thot he would be sensitive enough to realise that i needed support. he din say anything. he din. then the guys went off for their trng.

we celebrated yanting's bday in ccab. the cake daphne and michelle baked was great. really. then a few went to eat with yanting. those TA3s and close to yanting. i went with shigs to look for zoe. actually i was quite ok with the match cos i knew that i did my best. i thot i played ok. till shigs keep saying that i kept hitting softly and couldnt win any pt but yet setter set balls to me. it was then when i realised that they werent pleased with me. i was very sad. i din have much confidence that i could spike it well. i just got back my touch. so i could only make sure that my balls went over and hopefully try to disrupt their formation. i was so tired inside trying to bring them up. who knows abt it? andrew and peiwen were the best. peiwen had trng but she said that i could tell her if i was sad. i kept saying that i wasnt. but actually i was. andrew called after his match. and i was really touched that he wanted to look for me cos i guess he knew that i wasnt right. but i din want him to come so far. if he wasnt too far away, i guess i would have met him. cos my pals din really know how sad i was. everyone treated me like i was fine. we went to get zhiwei's present after eating. then andrew said that he thinks that HE would call me. i was quite excited abt it but immediately after i read the msg, shigs received HIS msg. and he din send me. i was sad again. i had enough. really. i din feel like talking to him anymore. he msged me ltr. i guess like 20 mins after shigs? pissing isnt it? i just replied,'mm.ok.thks' i din wanna talk to him. then he was like 'if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me'. i thanked him for the intention and said that it was ok. then he said ok, if i needed to talk, i could call him or msg him. i thanked him again and said that it was ok. it was obvious that i was sad. i wasnt feeling right. and he really din reply me after i kept refusing to say anything. dumb isnt it? ah! and that night, shengyu called shigs to talk to her. but no one called me. no one. i was talking to andrew so he was the only one who knows how sad i was. i kept telling everyone else that i was fine. but i wasnt. i was disappointed that i din matter much to anyone. really sad.
i din go to sch on wed. no pt going cos i wont concentrate on anything. now they started to realise that i wasnt feeling right alr. pw,shengyu and andrew msged me in sch. he only msged me at night. i was really pissed msging him cos i kept hinting that i needed a call but he just dun get it. i gave up. really. but i was really sad that shengyu called shigs but not me. she's not the only sad one. i was the saddest of all. so many sad things have happened all tgt. how am i supposed to face them? i needed him to call me and talk to me. but he just dun get it. my replies were rather harsh and fierce cos i was really pissed trying to tell him that. he din know how to reply me after that. ah! tell me. what am i supposed to do? i really dunno. i kept complaining to andrew. why is it andrew again but not him?
oh ya! andrew's the first visitor to my blog. hey pals! if u're wondering who 'who else' is, haha, its andrew.

though we lost to JJ, i know i did my best. michelle too. hey girl! dun be upset ya? u played well. u've been tired too. serena has been a great libero too. dun be so sad anymore! its all over. i had fun being in this team and i love our team. i've gained so much more than what i've lost. i gained so many wonderful teammates and precious memories. and u know wad? im really happy to see that my team has been quite bonded. really touched to see how michelle, daphne are getting well and closer to kelly and yanting. i love you girls no matter what. we only lost a game, but we gained so many friends and joy. u girls remain that way ya? do us proud! we'll have fun in thailand! haha. cos im going too!

and zoe! yupp. i have a blog. but i cant say so yet ya? haha. wait till i have 30 posts. then i'll give it to u guys! real soon!


No Air lyrics(feat. Chris Brown)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
If there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus] Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus] Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

[Chorus] Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
[Chorus] Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air