so many things have happened these few weeks. i've shed so much tears over so many diff things. why do sad things come together at the same time?

my prob with daddy started a few weeks back when he started finding things to pick on me. the first time we had a great fight and mummy came over to bring us hm, i refused to leave. i thot that it was right. i told him that i wld be hm by 9 everyday if i got nth special on. last friday, my clique went to shop for clothes for the band concert on sat. i think i had very frequent mood swings that day. i was pretty ok in the morning till during chem extra lesson. i asked him wad time would the bus leave on mon(their semis). and he said that he wanted to ask mr fung to book a separate bus from the girls team, cos we were too noisy. mm. honestly, his answer hurt me quite alot cos i was thinking that we have been so supportive of them all these while, cheering and shouting for them. and now they say such stuffs to upset us. mm. actually i know what he meant. i know that he just wanted a quiet environment to calm down before an impt match. but the way he said it was very tactless and in fact very hurting. i went for zoe's match before meeting up with the guys in town and going for peiwen's match. actually i din feel like meeting them after zoe's match cos i was pissed with him. but in the end i still met them lah. met the guys in town first before going for peiwen's match and going back town again. mm.i knew that daddy would make a big fuss again if i went back late. so i wanted to leave earlier. but peiwen asked me to accompany her to see her stuffs. she wanted to get clothes. and it wasnt very convenient for the guys to go with her. haix. tough decision. i was afraid that she would be pissed if i din go with her. so i said i wont stay long but can go with her. mm. it was getting kinda late alr. no choice. i had to leave. but she suddenly disappeared. i couldnt find her. i called her but she din pick up. then daddy called. ah! so dead. so i couldnt tell anyone that i was leaving alr and left first. he talked to me for damn long. i knew that pw kept calling in but i couldnt pick her call or else he'll be more pissed. there were lots of calls but i couldnt pick up. i thot that it was peiwwen who kept calling me. i din know that the guys called too. mm. daddy was very unreasonable. even late for home for 15 mins only also cannot. he refused to let me back and asked me to go back to yishun. he was really bad at talking. so i tried hanging his call twice. but cos calls kept coming in, i hung peiwen's calls instead. woah. was quite pissed that both attempts failed. but i really scared her. mm.i was alr on the train back. since he said dun go back his place, so i went back to town to look for them. i called peiwen before going back. i was really touched by them. they all thot that sth happened to me and went all over far east to look for me. mm. i was only missing for like 20 mins and they all got so worried abt me. had 21 missed calls in total. mm.really dunno how to describe how i felt at that moment. was so angry and disappointed with daddy. yet i was so touched and happy that i actually matter to this group of friends. this is wad i cant find in my pals. i guess if it were my pals, they would just think that i was just walking ard. wont even bothered to look for me. they would just call me for a couple of times and wait for me to call back. so i was really shocked that they got so worried and searched for me. worried that i was kidnapped or what, they searched the whole mall, including stairs and toilets. esp shengyu who even went to the girls toilet. they all were waiting for me to get back. when i walked into subway, everyone stared at me.quiet yet quite seriously. i was about to cry alr cos of daddy. then they couldnt take it anymore and started telling me how worried they were and how they searched for me. hey guys! im really touched by that. really touched. suddenly, i felt as if i wasnt invisible anymore. after so many sad things, they're the ones who made me smile agn. thks alot alot alot!!!

on sat, i went for my sch's band concert. my clique went tgt cos we wanted to support audrey. everyone dressed nicely. esp the guys. thks alot for spending the effort cos we asked them to do so. the concert was great. and my ec's still very cute. audrey's solo was awesome! and the J1's performance was entertaining. they tried to make me sit beside him. luckily i came in from the other door and sat at the other end of the row. though i would like to sit beside him, but it would make things weird i thnk. mm. so better keep a dist from him lah. haha. was upset with shigs. dunno why she said she wasnt with andre when i heard him behind interrupting. but since she said so, mm, i shall not ask further. daddy asked me to go back to his place that night. mm. so i went back lor.

the guys won AJ in their semi finals. in the crucial 3rd set, i did what i did last yr in their semis with AJ too. i wished that they would get back their std and win AJ. so i promised to be vegetarian for 5 weeks. mm. dunno how to survive this but i'll try. haha. plus daddy said that he would give me money to buy stuffs as my 18th bday gift. i gave it up too cos i was really sincere in making the wish. aiyo. but luckily they really got back and won AJ. nope. not like a miracle. cos i knew that they would win AJ. made it worth wishing for. haha. she came to support him. and i guessed he asked her to do so. i heard her shouting for him. mm. good for him. haha. there's hope for them! though i was kinda upset to see her there, but i tried to not be affected by it. i was pretty engrossed in their match. kept shouting and cheering. i thot that they would hear me. but they din. shengyu and him only saw andrew and peiwen who rushed down immediately after their match. both of them even forgot to take a few of their stuffs cos they really rushed down. mm.this is wad i like abt my clique. always so supportive. i love you guys so much. and my whole class came down to support them too. i was really touched cos i know some actually planned to skip the match but they din. i just love my class for being so supportive. but i was really upset with my pals. when zoe came over, she kept talking to shigs only. i was trying to let her see who he likes. and i was so upset by her presence. but then she just kept talking to shigs. mm. dunno if u guys heard me but i tried telling u guys abt it twice. and cos u guys just neglect me like that, i asked if u guys can just listen to me for a while. i repeated it thrice. then i gave up. it's always the case. haix.

but their semis ended late. we went paya lebar to eat. mm. my first time there. mm. i knew i had to hurry and leave so that i wont reach hm late. or else daddy's gonna be mad agn. so i was the first to leave. i seldom eat quickly cos im always slow when it comes to eating. but i really ate very fast and left. i went to the bus stop and saw that i could take 76 back to daddy's place. the board said that it would terminate at yck. which meant that it was the right bus so i din go over to the opp side. the bus came and i was so sure that i wont be late. i slept on the bus and i told daddy that i would be back at 945. at 930, the bus came back to paya lebar agn!!!!! i was so scared. i immediaately called daddy. he din pick up. i din know what to do cos i din know that the bus would go all the way to parkway and come back to paya lebar agn. called andrew and i rmb that he left his phone in nj after his match. it wasnt with him but with his friend. then i called peiwen and shengyu. they asked me to tell daddy. i was thinking that maybe he would uds that it really wasnt my fault. i did leave early. in fact, very early. but it was the bus. i really din know it. haix. he called back. he was like wads the time now? wad did i tell u? u dun come back today. go back to yishun. he refused to listen to my explanation. he said that it was excuses. i was hurt once agn. because of how unreasonable he was. it wasnt my fault that day. wasnt my fault at all. told sy,pw and him abt it. and that i would go back to take my stuffs and move back to yishun. i had enough. really enough. i shud have left with mummy that day. i went back. packed myself. he was being so unreasonable and kept hurrying me to pack up and leave. i was really angry. i CANNOT CANNOT stand ppl accusing me of things i din do. i asked him what did i do wrong this time. he was like u know what u did. u know u shud have reached hm early. shudnt be late. i said i took the wrong bus. repeated it for a couple of times. but he just saw it as some kinda excuse and wasnt even reasonable at all. so i left. before leaving, he asked me to leave the keys behind. i threw it aside. he was shocked. and i just left like that. cried so badly. luckily andrew was online. i asked zhijun to ask him to call me. i was crying at the void deck. shengyu and him were tired after the match. din wanna bother them. mm. he was busy with her too. so i doubt he'll listen to me anw. andrew's the best person to talk to alr. he knows the most too. luckily i talked to him. felt better that way. but hey dude! really sorry! cos u have your own probs too. but i still add on to ur burden with my probs. but really thks alot! my own pals haven been free i guess. seldom talk to them cos we hardly have time to go out tgt to talk or wad. so they dunno anything. so i could only tell u. haix.

on tues, i was so touched that so many of my classmates helped put to make banners for shengyu and him. and the banners aare very nice. i went late so i made his banner cos the rest alr started with shengyu's. heh. i guess i din made it badly lah. it was acceptable?! i hope that he would like it. honestly, i did his not cos its for him. really. if the rest started off with his, i would have done for shengyu. anyway, i just hope that they will like it!

yesterday was the vball finals. and i was down with some stupid gastric flu. argh! i was so determined to go school no matter what lah. but i couldnt. called pw and mrs chua immediately and i said that i would see the doc and would still go for the match. it was very important to me too. i was alr outside on my way to school when i called them. then i turned back to go hm. wanted to see the doc alr but mummy asked me to wait till she wakes up and bring me there. waited and waited. 10 alr but she was still slping. so i went myself. after the doc, andrew msged me to say that mr low warned that he din wanna see me at the match cos i din go sch. i was scared. no because of him but cos i was afraid that i couldnt go for the match. but i also felt bad making him so upset. i called him and his attitude was bad.he said that i shud be home bound cos i was on mc. so i shudnt be there for the match. but i insisted that i wanted to go so he said that he would let the vp handle it and just hung up like that. mm.i know tat it wasnt right of me. but as a teacher, i think that he shudnt say that he dun wanna care abt it alr and will leave it to the vp to handle and hang up like that. it wasnt right of him to do so. at that moment, i cried. but i was so sure that no matter what, i'll still go. i made banners for zoe too. spent very long can. i msged mr low agn to apologise and said that i was still going. he was like tell that to the vp lah. i dont care. mm.i was hurt by that. by that kinda attitude of his. mm.u know what? that day he returned us our maths test papers. seeing that kinda attitude from him, mm, i knew wht kinda grade i got. that expains why he was like that. haix. if only i had studied and done well? haix. anw, i love mummy! she knew that i wasnt feeling well and wanted to protect me from mr low so she went for the match with me. but she woke up late. and went to eat first. so i missed zoe's match totally. heard that HCI won easily. haha. and zoe was imba. ZOE! u ROCKS!!!! haha. WELL DONE!

hey vball guys! i saw how u guys tried to defeat NY. u guys had done well by getting into finals. and im so proud of u guys! Shengyu! u played pretty well that day. i saw ur efforts to play well and saw how u fought for it. i guess it was one of the few matches that u really fought hard? that's what i think lah. so dont think abt the match alr k? it's ok that u've lost. what matters most is whether u enjoyed playing it. mm.i din shout as much as in semis. cos i din have much strength to do so. after the match, we took alot of pics. i was looking forward to eating with the whole vball family. but it was postponed cos some couldnt make it. i was sad and a bit pissed cos i thot my team was eating after that match even without mr fung's treat and the guys. i thot it was agreed alr. that's why i din wanna miss that day. then they all said they postponed it. i was rather annoyed. guess it was obvious lah. was feeling a bit unwell when taking photos too. so i was quite sian. plus when i saw everyone was busy taking pics. zoe told me and i realised that my team took team pic without me, and my class ppl took without me too. haix. i had to ask ppl to take with me instead of ppl asking me. sad. but nvm lah. kinda used to it alr? but anw,i still took quite a few pics lah.

im tired. today was quite ok lah. had lunch with my classmates before college clean up. talked and joked. made me feel better. he was msging her. cos someone asked how he knew the bball results and he said that she told him. so he was indeed msging her. when he said that it was her, i immediately turned away and talked to jiemin. pretended like i din hear that. but inside, i was quite sad lah. i din dare to look back cos i was afraid that shengyu and andrew would turn and look at me. mm.but i guess it's a good thing isnt it? that they're in very good terms? haha=)

mm.long day. long week. i wonder if the days to come will be better? mm.i guess i'll upload the pics of previous occasions next time?