we lost ytd. 2:0, (25:12, 25:14). im not upset abt losing. cos we din expect to win too. we wanted to have a close fight with HCI and scare the other teams. wanted to stress HCI cos we din have anything to lose and could play freely, but they couldnt afford to lose to us. but i suck. im serious. couldnt spike at all. totally suck. first ball and defence also cannot make it. ah! i lost alot of pts. everyone else was quite on form. serena and shiyun were good in defending. HCI had to attack a few times before they could win a pt. mich and kelly blocked well and attacked well too. except for me. i kept thinking abt the pts i lost in court. i wanted to play well. but the more i desire to play well, the more stress i give myself and the more i couldnt play. i was disappointed with myself. but i din stop shouting. our morale was high throughout. haha. we practically screamed at any pts we got. we were nervous in the beginning. but calmed down ltr. i was really nervous cos during free spike, i couldnt spike at all. AT ALL! ALL OUT BALLS! ALL AEROPLANES!! horrible. i couldnt spike 直线 at all. when i walked to the back, shengyu asked me to spike 斜线 instead. i tried. and that was better. but then i was so affected by the other balls that i couldnt play in court. angelina wont set to me cos i kept making mistakes. i was so pissed with myself. but i still tried to maintain the morale in court anw.

i was so touched that my friends came down to support me. minmin came. peiwen, zhijun, andrew and edmund came too. but i felt so bad cos i played badly and i thot that it was a waste of their time to come so far. luckily there's bus there and back. peiwen and zhijun skipped chem extra lessons to come with the bus while edmund and andrew cabbed there. though audrey couldnt come cos of music, she made me a card to encourage me.hey guys! im really touched! im so sorry that i played so badly. i guess u guys expected better. but nvm. im gonna play better from next match on. promise. zhijun took some pics of the match and put them on our class blog. im so touched! thks alot!!

here are some pics i took of u guys!













mummy din come. i kept looking at the door. she nv walked in. i felt so horrible aft the match. but she wasnt there. during debrief, i was quiet. the guys came out ltr. he was there too. it was obvious that i was sad. but he din say anything. i walked away after debrief. i called my mum and asked why she din come. she said she couldnt leave cos of work. i wanted to cry before that alr. when i called her, i broke down. i went to join my class ppl ltr. told them sorry cos i played like that. my eyes were teary. shengyu was like, see. i knew she'll cry. haha. he was there too. but he din say anything. i was disappointed once again.

4 of them with shengyu and him went for prata after that. i went with my pals and saw them there. i was like, eh. why u guys nv ask me along? haha. feels quite weird to have 2 different cliques of mine tgt. but im glad too. cos i've been wanting to show my class clique who my pals were and show my pals my class clique. zoe was like lets sit tgt cos she saw him there. but i said there's no place so we sat at the table in front. for the first time he said sth. cos when zoe said to sit tgt and i said got no place, he said the three of them could sit except for me. i was telling zoe that we seldom talk alr and he din even say anything. but zoe said no lah. he'll still tease u mah. better than not talking at all. yupp. like he kept complaining got not enough space cos i was ard. but i was disappointed cos he really din say anything to cheer me up or wad despite seeing that i was feeling down. there was bus back to achool. i wanted to catch a movie and zoe said that she'll watch if we're going bedok. andre and jack had match in ccab too but their debrief took a long time so we left first. shigs, zoe and i waited for them in bedok. they din take too long to come. we watched ' forbidden kingdom'. the storyline was a bit gay but it wasnt too bad. jack said that the movie was very budget. cos it was the same few characters and they played 2 roles. haha.



anw, while waiting for them to come,i msged my classmates who came down to thk them for coming and apologise for wasting time watching me play like that. but they were encouraging. esp andrew. his replies were long lah. thks alot!! zhijun too. cos they said that they would come down to support again if they have time. peiwen also said that i gotta win the next match and i will play well. they made me feel better. the whole day, i was waiting for his msg. i thot he wld msg. cos i was feeling so sad. even janan msged me. even janan said that he wanted to cheer for me during the match but he was upstairs with xinzhi. even someone i dunno well cares. why din he? because he knows that i like him, thats why he shud know that i needed him to be there for me. why din he do anything? i saw him online just now. but he din talk to me either. i heard that he's really gonna rest for a wk. not playing cos of his ankle. he's not playing till the next round. i guess most of my team will not be going for their mon match. but im still going though. cos no matter wad, i wanna be thr for all his matches. even when he's not coming for all of mine, i still wanna be thr. i bet he'll feel bad for not being able to play. but take care ya? u can do anything u want aft that.



today's trng was slightly better. i couldnt spike stilll. but it was a bit better cos i told myself that i gotta play hard whenever i got demoralised. but my knee hurts. i din wanna go for trng but if i din, i will not have any more trng before my next match. i think i maybe seeing a doc aft my tues match. then stop trng till sat. if only he knows abt all these. if only he cares. if only he stops avoiding. was it my fault? cos i avoided first? i dunno too. he wont say and we wont talk. before trng, we watched our match with HCI. actually i din play as badly as i thot. i din lose as much pts as i thot. i did in the first set but the second one was better. ah! i really gotta work hard man! have confidence! jiayou! shigs was very cocky abt her defence. haix. makes me realise that i haven got any forte in anything. im useless. but im gonna prove others wrong the next match onwards. positive thinking works. but. can u be there for my match? at least i'll feel more motivated. but overall, i think my team was ok. continue to play hard girls!